GOOD NEWS FOR YOU, VIKRAM; BAD NEWS FOR ME. MISSOURI ATTORNEY GENERAL CHRIS KOSTER, ATTORNEY AT LAW, HAS CHALLENGED ME TO A BOXING MATCH. I FEAR MY BIGMOUTH HAS GONE TOO FAR, VIKRAM. KOSTER IS A CLASSIC LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT. THEY SAY HE IS THE PROTOTYPE OF THE MIDWESTERN, WHITE BOY, NOT NEARLY AS GOOD AS IRAN BARKLEY LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT. VIKRAM, I AM AFRAID LIKE HAL WAS AFRAID IN 2001 WHEN DAVE BOWMAN WAS DISMANTLING HAL’S MEMORY CASCADE. LISTEN, VIKRAM, I AM IN SERIOUS TROUBLE. IF I DO NOT FIGHT THE MISSOURI ATTORNEY GENERAL, CHRIS KOSTER, ATTORNEY AT LAW, HE WILL MOCK ME AND CALL ME A COWARD AND I WILL HAVE ZERO CHANCE OF GETTING ELECTED GREENE COUNTY SHERIFF NEXT YEAR EVEN IF I WIN BY SOME MIRACLE MY LEGAL CHALLENGE TO THE BEAUTIFULLY CONSTRUCTED STATUTE THAT PROTECTS WEENIE SHERIFFS IN ALL THE COUNTIES EXCEPT ST LOUIS COUNTY. IN ST LOUIS COUNTY ANYBODY CAN RUN FOR SHERIFF. I GUESS THE WEENIE SHERIFF’S ASSOCIATION COULD NOT MUSTER ENOUGH POLITICAL FIREPOWER TO HOODWINK THE GOOD PEOPLE OF ST LOUIS COUNTY. MAYBE I SHOULD MOVE TO ST LOUIS AND RUN FOR SHERIFF THERE. ANYWAY, VIKRAM, THIS KOSTER GUY, MISSOURI ATTORNEY GENERAL CHRIS KOSTER, ATTORNEY AT LAW , SAYS HE HAS OUTSTANDING HAND SPEED AND AN EXCELLENT JAB. VIKRAM MY HAND SPEED WAS NEVER ANY BETTER THAN VERY GOOD AND THAT WAS ALMOST THIRTY YEARS AGO. I AM IN A REAL JAM. I NEED TO LOSE 17 MORE POUNDS TO GET TO 228 SO I CAN AT LEAST START TRAINING ON THE HEAVY BAG. MISSOURI ATTORNEY GENERAL CHRIS KOSTER, ATTORNEY AT LAW, SAYS HE WILL NOT HARASS A DECENT SHERIFF IN CHRISTIAN COUNTY JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE DOWN THERE ARE STUPIFIED BY YET ANOTHER WEIRD ELECTION IN CROOKED COUNTY. MISSOURI ATTORNEY GENERAL CHRIS KOSTER SAYS MERE INNUENDO AND BLUSTER FROM AN ANGRY, ALLCAPS JACKASS LIKE ME IS NOT ENOUGH FOR HIM TO INVESTIGATE THE ODD THINGS THAT HAVE TRANSPIRED IN CHRISTIAN COUNTY, MISSOURI. CHRIS KOSTER SAYS THE SHERIFF CAN FIRE ANYBODY HE WANTS, ANY TIME HE WANTS, FOR ANY REASON HE WANTS. ( I AM NOT SURE THIS IS AN ACCURATE ENCAPSULATION OF THE LAW BUT MISSOURI ATTORNEY GENERAL CHRIS KOSTER WAS HOT UNDER THE COLLAR DURING OUR MORNING 5:12 AM PHONE CALL THAT NEVER HAPPENED, IT NEVER HAPPENED, VIKRAM. ) VIKRAM, CHRIS KOSTER HAS THE JAB AND THE HAND SPEED TO DISMANTLE ME. WHAT AM I TO DO, VIKRAM ? MAYBE LAURA NOEMA CAN WRITE A COOL STORY WHEREIN MISSOURI ATTORNEY GENERAL CHRIS KOSTER, ATTORNEY AT LAW, LETS ME APOLOGIZE AND LETS ME LIVE ANOTHER DAY. MAYBE I WILL GO TO ALASKA NEXT YEAR AND PAN FOR GOLD. I CAN GROW A HEALTHY BEARD AND LOOK JUST LIKE THE PROTOTYPE OF THE CRUSTY, ALLCAPS GOLD MINER WAY UP NORTH, FAR AWAY FROM THE GREAT AND MERCIFUL MISSOURI ATTORNEY GENERAL CHRIS KOSTER, ATTORNEY AT LAW.

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