Orisirisi, This is a sign to me that you need to get serious clinical-level attention and help. Maybe you have. I hope so. I urge you to stop writing for more than a few days. Get some “hard-core” psychiatric help and get resting. Your intellect and your high internal strength and drive are now a detriment to your long-term health. That is my opinion. I have been in some deep dark holes and I speak from hard-earned and hard-fought experience. I wish you all the best and I would take bended-knee before you and beg you to slow down, slow slow slow down down down. I beg of thee, help thyself and let others heal thyself. Please.