these words seem written by someone a million miles away in a time i can no longer know. some hours after receiving my aortic valve replacement my lungs were not inflating properly and i was placed on a demonic contraption known as a cpap machine. i later told my rn the device was diabolically effective and she laughed. but for seven and a half hours i did not sleep a wink and i thought my life would end with an unending hurricane of air being shoved into my lungs. fear was my only real and ever-present companion for those hours.