Tips and tricks for Medium writers

‘YOURFRIENDSATMEDIUM.COM” ? WE HAVE FRIENDS THERE ? I AM SURE THE TROMBONE KILT GUY HAS ’EM. I AM SURE dr. isler requires her students to list her as their friend at friendsforever icon farm. i bet that laura girl whose last name i forget has em she writes scarily well. she’s gotta have tons of friends. what about my main bromance broman big vikram ? that guy has more friends than paul eliot singer sewing machine the hedge fund super weenie has pals and buddies in argentina. what about me ? not one get well card about my impending heart diagnostics. not one . not even an insulting one in all caps from trombone boy that says I AM PLAYING A DIRGE JUST FOR YOU, JACKASS ! that would have been sweet. NEXT WEDNESDAY I MAY BE UNABLE TO EVER BE REALLY MEAN AGAIN IF THEY LOOK AT THE DIAGNOSTICS AND SAY TAKE THAT PIECE OF JUNK AORTA VALVE OUT RIGHT NOW. THEN I WILL LIVE AND REGAIN FULL AEROBIC ABILITY AND HIT THE HEAVY BAG, BUT WILL I STILL BE A HOPELESS , REALLY MEAN SMART-ALECK ? LAURA NOEMA, LAURA NOEMA, THAT IS HER NAME. SURELY I CAN GET A NICE THOUGHT FROM LAURA OR MAYBE AMANDA DICKSON, ( WRONG OR RIGHT LAST NAME OR MISSPELLED OR MISBEGOTTEN). SORRY AMANDA, YOU’RE A GOOD KID. JUST GOT A CALL FROM DOC PREP LADY. I WILL BE HITTING THE TABLE EARLIER SO THEY CAN DO THE MESSY WORK AND STILL ENJOY THEIR LUNCH. PROBABLY CHIPOTLE OR UPSCALE BURGERS. hey, uh, dr. isler, i am going to be a new man soon and i will repent and really enjoy the lighter side of creativity. please sign my online get well card at medium.comgetwellcardsforsmartalecks. i think vikram and the new kid from brown university are setting it up for me. i regret i never learned to love the trombone or take creative writing at brown university. amen and amen. “WE BELIEVE IN ONE HOLY, CATHOLIC AND APOSTOLIC CHURCH. WE LOOK FOR THE RESURRECTION OF THE DEAD AND THE LIFE EVERLASTING.” please no trombones or poetry readings by dr. isler at my seaside ashes into the ocean thingee. amen. giddyup.

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