Blue Nun

I’ve just learned from a podcast that Nuns used to drink eight pints of beer a day.

Eight.

56 pints a week. Unless they didn’t drink on Sundays? Sod it, it’s the weekend. Let’s say 70.

Of course, back then beer was safer to drink than water. But imagine the scenes by Thursday.

Vow of silence.

SSSSHHHHHH. Hahahahahahaha. SSSSSHHHHHHH. No, you sush. Lishen. We’ve got. to keep. very. velly. quiet. Shooosh. Teresa, don’t piss there.

Local monks pay a visit.

Wassha dun to yer hair…

Benedict, youz so fiiiiine. Chastity Shashtitty. I likes youz.

Monk. Monkey Monk. Monkey Monkey Monkeson. Thash your name. Like a monkey. Ooo-ooo-arr-arr. That was my Monkey impresshon. You do one. Ooo-ooo-aaa-bleeeurgh.

Teresha, have youz met Benny…hish got funny hair…hish head makesh a funny noise. Slap. Slappy slap slap.

Vikings ransack monasteries.

Fight you.

Prayer reading

Our Father in heavens, hallowed bees your name…buzzy buzzy holy bees…your kingshtum cum (rude) your will be done, on earth ash tis heaven, is there actshually a heaven, what, my life is going nowhere, huh, yeah, no, anyway…give us daily bread, i’m shtarvin, any jam….

Aaah, Nuns.