Have you ever wanted to see a college kid write about stuff that tickles his fancy? You’re in luck.

Apr 3, 2016

The Current State of the American Dog

Inspired by The Harvard Lampoon Piece

You’re a good dog aren’t you?

You love your owner so much. Everyday you wait at the door for that loving pat on the head and treat. You’re a good dog. An obedient one as well, but with a touch of independence and integrity. Once in awhile after you ferociously bark at the other dogs who lick your owner’s soft hands, you lie down and lick your own gonads for a good hour or two.

Politics have become a bit of a joke as of lately, dog. Our government is divided more than ever, people are dying on the streets, every country in the world seems to loathe us. But, all those facts fall upon your deaf, hairy ears. After all, it has given you everything that you hoped for. Even that adorable little blue collar you proudly wear around your furry little neck.

Despite all this, you still want change don’t you? It’s tough after all, with all the criticism and negativity. You really want change, you poor thing. You’ve seen so little change.

When you go on a walk with your owner near the local park and you see the other dogs walking with their owners, it’s hard to believe that they are just like you. After all they all have different appearances, different sizes…different smells. But through all the differences and similarities, under God, you are all just dogs.