I like that you write. I don’t like what I’ve read. The suffering. I know you are trying. Yet, it is not a question of how hard but in what direction.
Mindfulness isn’t for tough cases, like you or me.
A change of heart is what is needed. Everything else follows.
What you need is a companion. A healthy, happy person you may look up to. And regular socializing. With healthy people.
They will sway the heavy traffic out of your amygdalas. Open new lanes. The easygoing Route 66. You don’t need highways anymore. You have had enough for the lifetime.
I know it’s hard. Just endure. You will see.
The new lanes.