How to Write Japanese English

It is well-known that Japanese language is completely different from English language in many aspects like the grammar, vocabulary, background culture and pronunciation. The difference of pronunciation makes Japanese English sounds funny. For example,

everything -> eburishingu

mathematics -> masumatikkusu

Half-life 3 confirmed -> Hāfu-raifu surī konfāmudo

All your base are belong to us. -> Ōru yua beisu ā birongu tū asu.

Now I will show you how to speak and write Japanese English like above.

There are no ‘L’ and ‘V’ sounds in Japanese.

Japanese people tend to speak ‘R’ instead of ‘L’, and ‘B’ instead of ‘V’ as well. This fact causes that Japanese otaku speaks “Rabu Raibu” instead of “Love Live”. (Strictly ‘th’ is also pronounced as ‘s’ or ‘z’)

There is always a vowel after a consonant (except for ‘n’).

This means when Japanese tries to say “cock”, it becomes “kokku”. Same thing happens to a lot of English words like “cockroach” -> “kokkurōchi”. Here is some simple instances.

‘-b’, ‘-f’, ‘-g’, ‘-k’, ‘-l’, ‘-m’, ‘-p’, ‘-s’, ‘-th’, ‘-v’, ‘-z’ -> ‘-bu’, ‘-fu’, ‘-gu’, ‘-ku’, ‘-ru’, ‘-mu’, ‘-pu’, ‘-su’, ‘-su’, ‘-bu’, ‘-zu’

‘-d’, ‘-t’ -> ‘-do’, ‘-to’

‘-ch’, ‘-sh’ -> ‘-chi’, ‘-shi’

The funniest part about this is that “strength” becomes “sutorengusu”. (By the way, “cuck” would be “kokku”)

Vowels must follow the real pronunciation.

This is the problem of English, not Japanese. “bite” must be “baito”, and “reason” must be “rīzun”.

In konkurūjon.

Ai hōpu disu wiru bī herupufuru tū tōku wizu Japanīzu!

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