Making Money in Los Angeles

Tom Thomas
Sep 5, 2018 · 4 min read

Fresh out of Kansas and just landed in LA. You dream about being a famous agent/studio executive/director/writer ever since seeing the first season of Entourage. Time to pay your dues:

Bathroom breaks? Mmm…if you miss that important phone call from the head of CBS…

Laundry? Cleaning? Sleeping? You’re chained to your desk for 16 hours a day. Might as well sleep at the office and save money on that apartment you can’t really afford.

Social life? Beyond grabbing a drink and commiserating with fellow assistants?

Money? Your pay is hilariously low. Thank god for overtime, which will 100% be happening.

Workload? Paying your boss’ bills (good luck paying your own), handling clients, managing multiple calendars, booking nonstop flights and hotel rooms for both personal and business and subsequently coming in to the office before sunrise to accommodate your boss’ changing time zones. These are some of the fun things you get to do in your glorified new position!

So be it. Los Angeles is the international capital of entertainment and when all is said and done, LA is where you need to be if you want to achieve those dreams.

Here are some tips on making your trial by fire a little easier:

Get a car. Learn LA geography. Spend a weekend driving around getting lost. Don’t be that fool who doesn’t know the difference between West Covina and West Hollywood.
Know venues like Culina, Sugarfish, Soho House, etc and never mess up your boss’ lunch plans. Don’t mix up The Farm with Malibu Farm with Farmhouse with the farmer’s market. LA takes food very seriously.
Read Deadline. Read Variety. Read The Hollywood Reporter RELIGIOUSLY.
Quadruple check coffee orders.
Know your boss’ current diet like the back of your hand. Gluten-free, keto, Whole30? Better yet, go on the same diet. Cutting out carbs is easier than the beat down you’ll get if, God forbid, you order your boss a burger with a bun.
Download bedtime reading material such as the LA Assistant’s Guide from “The Infatuation”

Use programs like Clientivity to get kickbacks on every trip you have to book for your boss (and there will be LOTS) and invite fellow assistants to either join the platform or use your custom page to book their travel. Cha-ching.
Grow a thick skin and remember that many Hollywood bosses enjoy screaming. It’s in their blood. Just ignore them, keep your head down, and do a good job. Call them terrible names in your head. You’ve got this.

hallway floors, washed clean by assistants and their tears

So basically, welcome to LA! Let’s end with some hilarious (though as harrowing as we would like) stories from entertainment assistants who’ve worked with the most tyrannical weird successful Hollywood hot shots in the biz:

“I had to pretend to be a 16-year old guest at my boss’ daughter’s Sweet 16…but secretly I was a spy making sure they weren’t sneaking alcohol. He didn’t attend.” — Bree

“My boss thought that everyone was lying to her. She would interrogate me on the locations of her VP, her senior editor, etc and accuse me of “covering for them”. She’d tell me that I had to tell her the truth because she wrote my paycheck. But I was telling the truth every single time! What was I supposed to say when she didn’t believe the truth?!” — Deryck

“I worked for a talent agency partner. One time he was on the phone and needed info from me. Getting impatient and rushing me. I told him that I was looking (as I looked frantically) and he yelled, “Well why don’t you look up your ass, you fucking idiot!” He was a nice guy.” — Ian

“My boss was having a bad day. He came out of his office and started chucking folders off of my desk in front of everyone, screaming that I was messy AF and disrespecting his office. He called HR and told them to fire me. Needless to say, I kept my job and all was well the next morning.” — Kerri

“An airline wouldn’t let me change my boss’ international flight ticket since I wasn’t him, so I 100% seriously (in a deeper voice) said I was a man, pretended to be offended that they’d even question me, and they changed the ticket.” — Emily

“My boss was the cheapest person in the entire world. For a meeting with executives from a major studio, I ordered catering and included 5 Diet Cokes (she’d asked for soda options). When she saw the Diet Cokes she freaked out and said that the restaurant jacked up the price. She made me return them and then run across the street for a generic brand. I think she saved a whole $1.50.” — Andy

“I was the assistant for an infamous producer in LA. I remember having to follow him around at events and bringing people to him to make sure that he always had someone to talk to and that he got to all of the important people. I grabbed one of the studio heads to bring over and, as we walked, he looked at me pityingly and said ‘You’re ____’s assistant? I feel so sorry for you.’” — Sareena