Writer and comedian. I’m publishing my material here so it can live on beyond the open mics.
The job of a comedian is to say the things that need to be said, that no one else is saying, and I’m going to do that right now:
The M1 Garand was the stupidest gun used in WWII
I live in the northern suburbs of Melbourne and one thing I see all the time, which I think is a very Northern Suburbs thing is the 903 bus.
I go to Northland, I see it there, I go to the Airport I see it there, I go to Greensborough I see it there.
I got my gallbladder out a couple of years ago. It means I can’t handle greasy or fatty foods as well as I used to. It’s pretty much aged my metabolism 10 years.
So it means I need to be a bit cautious around some foods. If I eat a dirty burger I need to know where…
Alright, before I start, I just want to take a quick poll of the audience:
What’s your clearance rate?
What about you? What’s your clearance rate? When you’re taking a shit, how much do you clear the water by?
Show’s over, I’m taking over. I’m here tonight to clear the air on a couple of things:
My husband and I recently adopted a beautiful little girl, and some people think it’s wrong we have a child because they don’t agree with our lifestyle.