Miracle of the Yellow Butterfly
Miracle of the yellow butterfly is a personal story I have told few people. Miracle of the yellow butterfly is; a true story of miracle, love between mother & daughter, and connection more powerful than Death.
A small portion of people I have told do not believe in miracles or possibilities so they do not believe the truth of the story. I am one that believes in miracles and possibilities. I believe in this story so much that when the experience occurs, even to this date, I am feeling good, inspired, energized, and happy.
Thanksgiving Day 2012, an unseasonably warm and sunny day for November. This day was my daughter, Jesyka’s, first experience of cooking and hosting Thanksgiving Dinner for family and friends. She was so pleased with her courage and her accomplishment. You see, living with unpredictable seizures she was told by well intending friends and family that she should not attempt such a task, it was (to their thinking) too dangerous for her. Her father and I were two that encouraged her to take whatever action helped her feel good in the moment of every day.
On this day, preparing a full meal and hosting a casual party felt good to her. She commented she felt a closer connection with her eldest brother, Cory, because of his instruction for cooking the perfect turkey on that day. From the entire day, my most vivid memory was one of the yellow butterfly. This memory sparks the personal story of the miracle of the yellow butterfly.
It was afternoon and Jesyka, her daughter Ana, and I were enjoying the sunny day from her front yard, a half-acre of grass and trees. The breeze was a joy and the temperature was a comfortable high 70’s. Everything was flowing perfectly. Jesyka and I stuck with a new tradition we developed just two years before, to discuss our end of life wishes. Why? Living with unpredictable and medically uncontrolled seizure disorder put both of us at risk for SUDEP — Sudden Unexplained Death in EPilepsy (or Epileptic Patients as the term was changed in 2014). She and I were both at risk. We were both young so the thought of a legal Will felt both financially unnecessary and premature. Talking about our end of life wishes were enough to satisfy ourselves, even soothe ourselves at the present time.
Oh, how I cherish those discussions. You see, they not only serve as time connecting with one that I loved dearly, the discussions also served as a way to dream about goals for the future and a way to mastermind (brainstorm) a learning tool or resource for others living with unpredictable and medically uncontrolled seizures. Perhaps completing this will be the beginning of such resource.
We spoke of my end of life wishes and we spoke of her end of life wishes. For the purpose of this story, I will leave these details for another time. At the end of a 30-minute conversation I looked into her beautiful eyes and asked an important question: “Jesy, what will I do on this Earth without your physical voice to enjoy, physical body to hold and your physical smile to enjoy?” Jesy replied “Marna (her loving pet name for me), be reassured when you see a yellow butterfly I AM there with you.” Just as she spoke these words, a yellow butterfly flew over her left shoulder surprisingly close to her face. It was a perfect sign her words were sealed for eternity.
We both giggled and commented how perfect, yet out of season, the butterfly fluttering by was for us to witness. Yellow butterflies were not common in Tennessee in the Fall. This one was sent as a physical sign of her words of comfort.
A week to the day later, Jesyka lost her physical life to SUDEP.
To this day, when I witness a yellow butterfly fluttering by in the Tennessee sun, I hear her words of comfort reassuring me of her eternal omnipresence. She is with me and we are One. I feel no loss or grief as I allowed myself to flow through the grief into healing during the months that followed her death. I feel no sense of unjust or fight for a cure because I know, to me, what feels best.
My heart sings as I spell out the words of the story of the miracle of the yellow butterfly. The miracle of the yellow butterfly will stick with me for Eternity. Why do I consider this story one of miracle? To lose a loved one, a child, and have an experience bring up memory of those last few precious moments of being together in the same physical location and NOT experience grief stealing the moment of joy away is a miracle.
I encourage all reading this to look for signs of comfort and connection in your everyday experiences with loved ones. When there is a sign or experience that helps you remember a lost loved one, do your best to understand the experience is not there to drudge up grief or loss. The experience serves as a supernatural connection between you and your loved one. Take solace in the moment and feel peace and love in your being as the experience presents itself and fades away. You have the ability and permission to feel good while expereincing a memory of a lost loved one.
Remember, none of us - not one - are promised another hour or another day. The only time we have is now. The power we have in this moment is the personal power of choice. Choose what you will do, say, or feel in this moment so that, should this be your last, there will be no regret and you will be as free as a butterfly.