I gave up my vices for a week and it made me a wretched human being.

I like my vices. My vices make me feel good. They make me feel good about me. I revel in my vices. I do so completely of my own free will.

These are my vices. I smoke cigars. I dip smokeless tobacco. I drink bourbon.

These three things bring me pleasure. They help me relax. They keep me sane in a world of self-righteous idiots. They don’t cause harm to anyone else. My vices are simple, and they are good vices.

A week ago today I had a dental appointment to get my teeth cleaned. During the routine cleaning the girl with the metal hooks in my mouth noticed that a front tooth was loose. Long story short the root of a tooth was infected and had to come out. Three hours later the tooth was gone, the hole was scraped clean of infection, my gums were cut open and scraped clean, the hole was refilled and I was sewn back together.

All of that was painless enough. In fact the worst of it was when I was being fitted for a fake tooth to get me by until the bridge work can be done. What hurt was being told to avoid my three vices.

Booze and tobacco slow down the healing process. I already knew this. I got the same lecture a couple of years ago when I had my shoulder rebuilt. That time it was an eight week layoff. This time it’s only two weeks. Piece of cake, right?

Not so much. Last time I had Vicodin, Percocet, and Motrin as substitute vices. This time I was forced to do it cold turkey.

So what has the last week taught me? It’s taught me that I genuinely like the taste of a wintergreen snus packet in my mouth. It’s taught me that driving in DC traffic without a cigar in my hand makes me miserable to be around. A week without a drink has taught me that the taste of bourbon is one of the greatest pleasures God has given us. It’s also taught me that my vices are not optional.

My vices are a part of me. Taking them out is like moving from fiber optic internet back to a 33.6 dial up modem. It can be done, but no one is going to be happy. My vices are not obstacles in my life. They are key components of my life.

And that’s the moral of this story. Our world is moving men towards a homogenized, one size fits all sense of masculinity, morality and values. That’s not a good thing.

All men may share a baseline for who we are, but it’s the variations from that baseline that make us human. Instead of trying to squash out anything that’s not got prior approval from the faceless herd as men we should encourage each other to find our vices. We need to bring out the darker parts of ourselves. Not to have them changed or corrected, but to revel in the uniqueness they give us.

Our vices show if not who we are, then who we aspire to be.