Forget the Reviews — You’ll Love ‘Suicide Squad’ For This One Reason

If you’re anything like me, you’ll love the new film Suicide Squad. Why? Because Suicide Squad is aimed directly at…

Me.

Tony Zaret.

Let me explain. I wasn’t too excited to see this movie. I hadn’t seen a “superhero” movie since Damon Wayans’ 90's-era spoof “Blankman” and I knew nothing about any of the characters in this new one other than “The Joker.” And while I know the Joker is popular, when it comes to ‘bad guys’ from the ‘Batman’ franchise, I’ve always been more interested in the true villian — the moral rot afflicting Gotham City’s people and institutions.

So I was pleasantly surprised when the very first scene of the movie featured Jared Leto applying his ‘Joker’ make-up as he speaks to the camera and says, “Hi, I’m Jared Leto, and I’ll be playing the Joker. Now, let’s be honest, for a guy called ‘the Joker’ I don’t usually provide a lot of laughs in these super hero movies. But you know what ALWAYS delivers a good chuckle? News Fails. Here are some of my favorites.”

Now if you know me, you know that I can spend hours watching TV weather reporters going, “It’s going to be vagina… I mean COLD tomorrow” while the rest of the local news team cracks up. So watching a half-hour of gut-busting fails hand-picked by the great Jared Leto himself was a truly unexpected treat.

I assumed that after the news fails I was going to have to buckle down and watch a bunch of comic book characters run around yelling and shooting, but I was wrong. The final ‘news fail’ was actually staged by the director of Suicide Squad, and instead of ‘failing,’ the news anchor said, “And now, ladies and gentleman, a brand new track from Mr. Bob Seger!”

Michigan-born rock icon Bob Seger

I’ve always enjoyed Mr. Seger’s music, and this new song, “Highway Wind,” was no exception (the performance shown in Suicide Squad was actually filmed live in Seger’s — and my own — hometown of Ann Arbor, MI). Featuring lyrics about heartbreak and redemption and a killer guitar solo from blues legend Buddy Guy, the track was a solid slab of Midwestern rock n’ roll, and it was followed by performances of several of Mr. Seger’s greatest hits.

An hour into Suicide Squad and I was already sure this was in my top five movies ever, but it was the last hour that really sealed the deal for me. First, there was a highlight reel of University of Michigan sports moments from my childhood, then a great tutorial on how to properly filet a fish (something I’ve been meaning to learn for years) and then the whole thing was capped off with a compilation of my own Vine videos (great to know the hours I poured into creating all those 6-second sketches weren’t for naught).

A Vine video I posted that recieved 84 “re-Vines.”

Finally, all the characters from the poster came out and said “Happy Birthday Tony Zaret!” (over a month late, but still great to hear my name spoken by talents like Will Smith and Viola Davis). As I left the theater to the tune of “Happy Birthday (Dear Tony)” being sung by another of my favorite performers, Ms. Chaka Khan (this time actually live in the theater — turns out she had been in there the whole time and was just inspired to break into song) I couldn’t help but think that the reviewers giving this movie low grades were suffering from the same thing as Gotham City’s people and institutions: MORAL ROT.

Tony Zaret is an amateur film critic who was among the 10,000 most popular Vine video ‘stars’ in 2013.