Expressing yourself with a tinge of lime.
When someone talks to you, a large part of what he can tell you depends on how you make him feel. To expect honesty and transparency from your close ones, it is impertinent to create a space where the other person feels safe to confide to you. That’s your job: and unfortunately, that isn’t all there is to ideal transparency.
I am going to share about what happened between two of my friends, and some amazing life advice that ensued thereupon.
Recently, a not so close friend chose to share something about himself with me, which nobody else knew about. When the cards fell out in the open, many people in the equation were hurt that it was kept from them, friends who were closer to him than I am.
However, I don’t find it very difficult to understand why that friend felt more comfortable to express himself to me than all the others who knew him very well.
Imagine the following scenario. Fast forward 20 years down the line. Your life is good, but there is some amount of accumulated frustration within you. Your spouse has problems with your in-laws, your children are giving you a tough time and you are facing the (un)popular middle-age crisis.
But you can’t tell your friends about it, because they are either so close to you that they would be too involved in the matter, or they are so distant that you need to maintain a facade.
Life is not bad, it just is.
One day, you have to take a bus journey. You find yourself next to a passenger who is a very good listener. You know that you’re never going to meet this person again after this afternoon. This person is like the passing breeze which would go away and mix with the winds of the mountains and never meet you again. (At least, this is what you’d believe if you aren’t scared of some terrible coincidences, which you shouldn’t be.)
And you can pour your heart out to this person. You can tell him everything you feel, without worrying about being judged.
Now imagine having this kind of relationship with your life partner. I know what you’re thinking, “She is crazy. I am way too selective for my own good anyway.One more checkbox to the list? No way! One shouldn’t have too many conditions. It’s impossible. Utopia doesn’t exist.” And so on.
Maybe I am too ambitious. But after hearing the bus story, one aches to find the need to be able to express yourself to your partner without any worries whatsoever.
Sometimes, like the protagonist in Paulo Coelho’s books, you’re gonna be the person in the bus, pouring his heart out to a random stranger on the bus, even though you promised yourself while reading this article that you will find someone worthwhile and you’ll live the ideal life.
I leave this post on an open-ended note because of the uncertainty in my own life. I am young and enthusiastic, and in the whole let’s-have-a-perfect-relationship age.