As my 19 year old moves into her first house this weekend, I realize I have some advice for millenials. And get off my lawn.

  • Jumper cables.
  • Smart is sexy.
  • Take pictures and print them. You’re going to have basically no history to show your kids. Maybe your iCloud account will still be around. Maybe not. You’ll be on your iPhone 14 by then. It will have 64 tb of storage. But there’s a chance the best times of your life won’t be catalogued. Print pictures.
  • Never be afraid to call the cops on your own party. When it gets out of hand and no one will leave, you leave and call the police to break up your party. Grab your best friend and go. Tell all your friends the cops are on the way and get out. Most everyone will leave. Trust me.
  • Learn three songs on guitar.
  • Wash your dishes. Dishes break up good roommate relationships. They do.
  • Frozen fruit. It’s cheap. Doesn’t go bad. And smoothies are easy and good for you.
  • Send someone a thank you note.
  • Don’t drink red alcoholic drinks unless it is red from natural fruit. Puking red sucks.
  • Hang out with people that are smarter than you. Or at least as smart. You don’t have time for people that don’t make you better.
  • Buy drinks in rounds. It’s the right thing to do.
  • Write letters. Even if they are to yourself.
  • Balance your checking account. I know you don’t have checks. Doesn’t matter. Go one month where you record every transaction and watch your balance. You just should.
  • Understand the previous version of whatever tech you use. In fact, understand the previous version of everything you use.
  • Unless you are the Nobel prize winner in your field, there’s probably someone smarter than you and better than you at what you do. That’s a good thing. You can always learn and improve and hopefully never get bored.
  • Volunteer for something. Donate your time. Make something better for someone.
  • While you’re at it, donate blood and sign up to be an organ donor. You don’t need your perfectly good liver when you’re dead. Don’t be selfish.
  • Don’t litter. Really.
  • Don’t smoke cigarettes. You don’t look cool. And if someone thinks you do, they are idiots and don’t deserve to be around you.
  • Be confident. Not shitty.
  • Life is about the relationships you build.
  • Be open to the fact that some people like you for who you really are. And some will love you for it.
  • Don’t talk about things you want to do. Talk about how you’re going to get things done.
  • Direct deposit 10% of your paycheck into savings.
  • Recycle. It’s lazy not to.
  • It’s versus its.
  • There. Their. They’re.
  • Grammar still matters. For the next 10 years, Gen X will be the people that hire you for the most part. We care about grammar.
  • Stop saying “like” in between every sentence and parts of sentences. It’s annoying and makes it hard to take your words seriously. If you don’t believe me, try writing a sentence the way you say it. It will be like totally weird to like try and make sense because like it will be all broken up and like jumbled.
  • Don’t drink shitty coffee. Unless it’s free. And even then, it may not be worth it.
  • Tip well.
  • Be polite. But don’t take shit from anyone.
  • Create.
  • Meditate.
  • Sleeping masks. No joke. They look like a joke, but they are not.
  • Be aware of your surroundings. Even in the grocery store. No really. Don’t turn your shopping cart into people because you don’t know they are there.
  • Pay attention to design and how things work.
  • Appreciate things that are made well.
  • Write a proposal for a business idea as if it was going to an investor. Seriously. Everyone should practice this.
  • Don’t waste time on people that don’t make you happy.
  • The word “Friend” has been destroyed of its true meaning. Figure out who you can count on. Who will come help you when you have a flat on Highway 59 North at Crosstimbers. These are your friends. Not the 477 people on Facebook.
  • With that said, practice changing a tire in the driveway so you know how and can be the friend someone else calls when they need help.
  • Floss. Your teeth are replaceable. But gums are a different story.
  • Miles Davis. Charlie Parker. Charles Mingus. Thelonius Monk. John Coltrane. Dave Brubeck.
  • Willie. Waylon. Merle. Cash.
  • Say goodbye when hanging up the phone. And tell your loved ones you love them when you walk out the door.
  • Love someone.
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