Chris James
Aug 31, 2018 · 1 min read

There’s an unfortunate downside to this. I’m an active member of our local kink community. I’ve met more than a few shell-shocked vanilla guys who wander into our scene- not because they’re looking for fun- but because they got in way over their heads and were trying to piece together what happened.

More often then not, their partner wanted to ‘play rough,’ neither of them knew what they were doing, the top (the one doing the hitting- could be any gender, but usually a guy) felt pressured to “be a man” and “make her scream,” and one- or both- got hurt in the process. Emotionally or physically.

I’m excited that people are freely talking about rough sex. I love it! All my partners love it! It can be incredibly transformative and, like you said, a relationship wonder. I just always want to add the caveat when I see popular, good writing like this:
“You don’t have to.
You don’t have to provide an experience.
You don’t know what you don’t know, so only go as fast, or slow, as you’re comfortable.”

If you live anywhere near a metropolitan area, there’s likely a kinky community hosting classes and small community meetups to discuss/learn these things. There are legit resources online where you can get exposed to content outside of the hot mess that is “50 Shades.” When you’re feeling hot and vulnerable is probably not the time to pull out the knife.

TLDR: Tops, you can say no, too.

Chris James

Written by

Kinky poly weightlifter with a focus on alternative sexuality and culture topics. Find me on Twitter @KinkThinkLift

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