I think I’m a grumpy old woman.
The reason I think that is because nowadays so much seems to really annoy me. The one big bug at the moment is the amount of people who say they have no money yet seem to be able to drink, smoke and appear to be constantly buying things.
Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against people who want to drink or smoke I used to drink about myself, as my hubby and I have had very little income since we got together it amazes me how people manage. I remember being asked many years ago why I didn’t buy things the I saw and I liked in the shops. I used to say because although I like it I don’t really need it and where would I put it.
Before I met my husband I I had had a few years trying to be one of the gang so I was trying buy friendship. Since I was about eight years old, I had never really felt loved or wanted. My father had started to verbally abuse me from about the age of 8 because I was fat, chubby call it what you will. I am sure my mum was aware of it because she would hear the comments, but she never said anything or did anything about it. This abuse continued until my father went into a care home because of his Alzheimer’s. The only time he didn’t make comments to me was when my husband was around.
We also moved an awful lot when I was younger so I did not make any real long-term friendships. Then when I was 10 year old we moved into a pub. I loved the pub trade because most people seemed happy and friendly, could it have had something to do with the alcohol on sale. It was very difficult going through puberty with constant digs about your size I never ever felt attractive or wanted, except at about 2am when there had been a party in the pub 🤔🤔.
I am sure I would have had no problem had I been the same size as my mom who was about a size 12. I remember wearing one of her dresses to a dance when I was 11. By the time I was 14 I was having to ask people in the pub if they were going to Edinburgh would they buy me some bras as I couldn’t get them nearby. One time I remember going shopping with my mom we saw a dress in a shop window which we both liked for me, we went in and asked if they had it in a size 16, I think I was 15 yrs old, no only up to a 14.
Even after I left home at 18 and went to Cardiff, which was about as far away as I could get, I would return home for a visit and I would put my head into the bar to say hi to my father and he would make some comment in front of all the customers in the pub which of course always got a laugh, from the customers but hurt me. I have being told by many people just how much my father really loved me, but because of of his upbringing and the person he was he just couldn’t show me.
So I constantly have been looking for love, approval, acceptance, but have never felt until I met my husband that I had it. I would always make a big effort to do things for people, to be nice to people, to be there for people, to give to people but very rarely did much come back. So I found myself being used a lot, and obviously attracted people who like to use others.
All of this resulted in me having my house repossessed because I’m was not paying the bills I was feeding and supplying alcohol to my friends, at least I thought they were my friends.
I could find out the hard way when I left the house I had already been diagnosed with MS and there was nobody there for me. Apart from my Rottweiler Bruno who was my baby and only friend. My father even tried to warn me off of having a Rottweiler as the dangerous dog was just coming in telling me to be cautious of the breed. This from a man you have been telling me all my life is not the dog that was bad or the breed of dog was bad, but the owner. I have realized he was hypocrite and now I really have a huge dislike of hypocrisy.
Then I met my husband through a dating agency pre internet, I am that old 😂😂. I had been given three contact phone numbers and hubby, to be, was the first one I tried thankfully he answered. We spoke for about half an hour which I have since learned is incredible for him as he hates using the telephone. There were so many reasons that we should never have actually gotten together. Not least of which was that I was on bed rest after failed back surgery although I could drive I would have difficulty getting to the car and if there was a fair distance at other end then I would have had problems.
We first spoke on the 1st of April on the 8th of April he came to visit me for the weekend then on the 1st of May I was going for a week away with my uncle my carer. I was going to Jersey and hubby and I had already decided that we were the ones for each other. I had an amethyst ring that I had bought myself. So we put it on my wedding finger to make me a promised woman. And me being me had been the one to propose. We decided as Jersey is a duty free island, that would be the p!ace to buy my wedding ring. Less than a month since we first spoke.
In 2015 we moved to Spain, that’s a whole different story. We met an English couple after about 6 months. They were always saying how hard up they were. He had a thatched cottage in Devon which he rented out, she had a house in Devon which she rented out. He dropped into conversation one day that he had heard from his Tax accountant!!!! I knew you had accountants as my parents had one because of being in pub trade. But a Tax accountant. This Tax accountant had informed him that he had not been paid his pension, which amounted to £6000.00.
Now hubby and I were aware if we were 0.50p short.
Another couple of people we met also kept saying they had no money, but had a house in France, a house in Spain and were thinking of buying an apartment by the naturist beach. They sold the house in France and bought another one, which is very high up and looks down over the town. Now they are regretting buying it because they have discovered the higher up you are the colder it gets.
Rocket science what?.
Hubby and I had just bought our house in Spain, and I know we had to wait for a will to be sorted before we had money to buy somewhere, but we had taken many things into consideration. Like altitude, level of humidity as in UK I used to suffer if temp went over 24C, number of other properties around, distance to favorites beach and size of property. We could have afforded a large 4 bedroom villa, but when one of us dies will the other want to be rattling around in such a big place, we also wanted to be able to have a large veg patch and possibly an orchard.
So like everything we buy a lot of time and effort goes into the desicion, whether it be a new teaspoon or a new home the process is the same. We try to get something that ticks most of our boxes and never rush the desicion.
So I can honestly say I’m pleased that we have never been used to having money or credit, as we seem to have rarely bought anything that we regret or fell apart straight away.
We were both brought up in families with little money so got used to “ I want doesn’t get” even if Johnny next door gets. We have learned to prioritise, with us holidays have always been bit on our list of wants because of the difference they made to my health. So we lived frugally so that we could afford them.
I’m so pleased that we have been like this as I feel it makes you appreciate things so much more