Laughter is, reputedly, the best medicine. Known to reduce stress, enhance your mood and encourage bonding with others, it’s no wonder that stand-up comedy, sitcoms, films, and even Casual Fridays are appreciated worldwide and exist to inject a little more joy into our daily lives. However, the quest for the perfect joke has probably been with us long before screenwriters and savvy business people started performing for laughs.
Humor comes in many forms and shades, from the wince-inducing puns on paper towel packs to the sizzling stand-up routines at a downtown comedy club, and we shouldn’t underestimate the happiness harvested by a hearty chuckle or full-throated guffaw.
So, brace yourselves and expect laughing tears. Here are 101 best jokes one could tell, collected from various times, places, and definitely, state of minds.
1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
2. What’s the one thing you can’t clean with soap?
Your past.
3. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
4. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
5. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
6. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
7. What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?
Kitty Perry.
8. What lies at the bottom of the Ocean and trembles?
A nervous wreck.
9. What happens when you get scared half to death twice?
Guess you’re alive again!
10. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Because they are shellfish.
11. Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
12. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
13. Why was the belt arrested?
For holding up pants.
14. What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match!
15. What kind of room doesn’t have doors?
A mushroom.
16. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the ‘P’ is silent.
17. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
18. What is Forrest Gump’s password?
1Forrest1.
19. I demand a trial by combat!
Oh! So a typo then?
20. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes…
She gave me a hug.
21. True friendship is like pee
Everyone can see it but only you can feel its warmth.
22. Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.
But those who retire get to die happy!
23. Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
24. I intend to live forever or die trying.
Hey, whatever floats your boat!
25. Alcohol!
Because no great story started with eating a salad.
26. If the opposite of pro is con, then what’s the opposite of progress?
Government.
27. I changed my password to “incorrect”…
So whenever I forget it your computer will say “Your password is incorrect”.
28. I used to be a human cannonball…
But I got fired.
29. My first job was as a baker…
I couldn’t make enough dough.
30. My job at the calendar factory ended badly…
I took a day off.
Jokes abound in daily life — and as we strive furtively towards sparking a smile or arousing laughter amongst a group, it goes to show that cracking a great joke carries tremendous power. View laughter as the most fabulous flypaper. It connects people, defuses hard circumstances or awkward moments, and fosters an open atmosphere. Harness the best jokes as a weapon in your social arsenal!
End the spiel related to the job or occasion at hand without a whopping laugh-line. The powerful impact of humor cannot be underestimated. Whether it’s a quick one-liner at the dinner table to lighten the mood, a hilarious pun to punctuate an engaging conversation, or a giggle-inducing tale before heading off to sleep, stoke the fires of joy and let the melodic sound of laughter ignite your surroundings.
31. What do you get when you cross a godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can’t understand.
32. Can I tell you a construction joke?
Oh wait! I’m still working on it.
33. How many phonies does it take to change a lightbulb?
Change? Who said anything about change?
34. Is your dad a boxer?
Because you’re a total knockout!
35. What did the football coach say to the vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
36. What are caterpillars afraid of?
Dogerpillars!
37. I used to play piano by ear…
But now I use my hands.
38. I threw a boomerang a few years ago…
I now live in constant fear.
39. Any salad can be a Caesar salad…
If you stab it enough.
40. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We’ll see about that!
41. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
42. If you’re American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out…
What are you in the bathroom? European.
43. I saw a kidnapping today…
But decided not to wake him!
44. Why don’t some people have more common sense?
Because change is hard.
45. Why do some people get lost in thought?
It’s unfamiliar territory.
46. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite!
47. What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
48. My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy…
So I got drunk.
49. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He is all right now.
50. How does a snowman get around?
He rides an “‘icicle”
Humor can be an effective counter to the flexing muscles of fear. When delivered and taken in the right spirit, a well-timed joke alleviates anxiety, angsts, and even anger. It connotes humor, unity, joy, and love; it rescues us from isolation and summons up springs of hope and optimism in face of challenges. Joke around, prod ethics, raise life to humanity’s nude condition; do it all, fabulously and boisterously, with a joke!
To breathe life means to share laughter. Today, let someone’s heart beat pleasant rhythms of hilarious moments; bring them joy — happiness often lingers longer than domiciled sorrow! Roll off the edge, dive into that crazy, shared laughter. Lets bring joy in others’ hearts — get joking, get laughing! Slow down the serious life chariot for a while, and let it drown among waves of hilarious laughter! Who’s ready for the next set, because it’s going to get a lot funnier!
51. Why do bees hum?
Because they don’t know the words!
52. How do oceans say hello?
They wave!
53. Why do flamingos stand on one foot?
If they stood on no feet they’d fall over!
54. Why did the banana go to the doctors?
Because it wasn’t peeling very well!
55. How do you make a sausage roll?
Push it!
56. Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk?
The stock market.
57. Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Its parents were in a jam.
58. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese!
59. Why don’t we tell secrets on a farm?
Because potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears and the beans stalk.
60. Why can’t you trust stairs?
Because they’re always up to something!
61. Why do ants rarely get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies!
62. Why are ghosts poor lies?
Because you can see right through them!
63. How do astronauts plan a party?
They planet.
64. What does a sick lemon need?
Lemon aid.
65. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
##66. What does one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner!
##67. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
Because he couldn’t see himself doing it!
##68. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
##69. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
70. What kind of key can never unlock anything?
A monkey.
##71. Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course! Houses can’t jump.
##72. Cry backward…
You’re still crying!
##73. I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a roadworker…
But when I got home, all the signs were there!
##74. Why don’t blind people skydive?
Because it scares the dog.
##75. Why does a Chimpanzee love gymnastics?
Because of the Monkey Bars.
The magic of laughter lies in its sheer spontaneity, liberating us momentarily from the tension of life. Magick that navigates humans into the realm of bliss. Think about the people who can effortlessly make others laugh. We all remember them though we forget the joke itself. The joker becomes the center of our existence — our true connection between hearts. The silence of a stale conversation shatters into a million glimmers. Laughter — a cushion for the bumps of life, a balm to heal unseen wounds ensconced in the crevices, dormant and potent. Wit and laughter are twin sisters — you use both to fashion a myriad patchwork of fun, alleviating pains, bringing cheer and hope!
##76. Why don’t tennis players get married?
Because love means nothing to them.
##77. I survived Armageddon!
I was with you on the edge of your cliff hanger!
##78. To succeed in life, you need three things: building, battle, mapping.
Although the rest might be important, remember — it’s all about the timing!
##79. What did the red light say to the green light?
Don’t look! I’m changing.
##80. Did you hear about the scarecrow who became a music star?
He was in fields all week, raking up the beat!
##81. Why don’t quidditch players smell?
They wear de-quidditch-ant!
##82. How do trees achieve online success?
They keep log in!
##83. How do you plead to life?
Seriously, or the joke’s on you!
##84. Wonders in life often come in unexpected packages.
That’s probably why life is attracted to mail-order brides!
##85. What kind of bees gasp and don’t honk?
Astbeesmatic bees, d’oh-honk!
You can hardly sit through a really good joke without having to share it with someone else — and therein lies the wonder. When you behold the unfolding surprised face, you can’t help but relish the role of the jester, momentarily ruling their world. Zany. Healing. Festival of mirth! Go on, share the laughter, foster camaraderie, penetrate walls, collapse distances between souls and revel in purer human connection with the crescendo of untamed joyous ‘ha ha ha’s!
##86. What was the the bin’s hardest task?
Taking out the trash!
##87. What advice does coffee offer?
Avoid klept-o-penises — take a mug shot!
##88. What did gems envy of glitter and currency?
Finally someone realized that value isn’t about size!
##89. How was colour broadcasting previously discussed?
Venters were black and white about it!
##90. What is the best curator in the art of living?
A joker walks into someone’s life, leaves an echoes of laughter, yours to keep forever!
##91. A coin matching rocks into scissors.
Do you genuinely feel for the real loser?
##92. For what instant message do cats vouch?
Would cats-webs be providing hard pawesome love?
##93. Why did the whiskey join buddy therapy?
It had a claim it was being constantly bottled up!
##94. What makes art a star?
Well. It prevented artists from st-arting unnecessarily tedious cults!
##95. Is life too short to complicate decisions?
Probably, but stilts can be really short.
##96. Why does bubbles prefer tenpin?
With soapy, anything can bowl around!
##97. Measure a min yes plus Houston Kennedy…
Absolute end-highlighter in disguise!
##98. Trample for higher finds profound reaches.
So that each break hour oils social serld!
##99. Consume Mu Cena at Tuba’s Silk Hinge was fulfilling…
That situation blocked memories of them rocks again.
##100. Hiding into bee biz….
Escalates werki wait lanes.
Don’t hold back your sacafuddle guffaws, ga sorasu m**, titters, sniggers, chortles, cackles and make the world a little happier still. A kind act doesn’t behave monthly, once a jest has carried the jest laughter in manifest, that jest embludents the moon{*}. To sunshine days adding showers. Plant a seed of laughter — harvest a freaking magical laugh-fest. Ea dumpect mock mug candaga… Gyeah, we mock what we adore — the standup for living!
##101. Foostry boom alas chart?
Only if daarmate he notions vanish, bless congruent misfortune pathcasting!
Can you add your zing? Go on, spread the sparkle, be the jester in someone’s life, be the hilarious ‘only you’ and slurp all that’s gloriously absurd!
Don’t just celebrate. Make sure you ellevigate!
