The Ten Best Jokes of All Time

Theo Rex
2 min readFeb 10, 2024

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“Laughing girl” by @Doug88888 is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.
  1. I don’t like children … they have wet noses. (Anon)
  2. There are 60 minutes in an hour; 60 seconds in a minute; and 1,440 seconds in every day … unless it’s the third of June because on the third of June there are always only 25 seconds between lunchtime and bedtime…
  3. It’s amazing what can be done when nobody has any authority over anybody else. (Renato Benaglia)
  4. Two friars walk into a bar … They see a nun sitting on the roof of the bar so they get worried. A little later, a second nun comes along and sits beside the first on the rooftop… (Ryan Jankowski)
  5. What is black, has eyes, ears, legs but no body? (Mick Collins)
  6. Three Irishmen are sitting around a bar telling their troubles when suddenly three ghostly figures appear… One is a green spirit wearing an old army helmet and with one arm missing: the second has long, flowing blond hair; he has two horns on his forehead and goat legs instead of arms; and the third is covered from head to toe in blue paint. They are spirits that were responsible for their earthly deaths and have come to haunt them … (Patrick Winslade)
  7. If there’s a bomb in every issue, what do you call this paper? (Bill Dana)
  8. I’ve been doing 50 miles per hour since we left San Diego, but it’ll take at least a year for my blood alcohol content to go down below the legal limit. (Gavin Orr)
  9. The thing with airships is that when they explode, you get two big balls of flame rising up from the ground — one containing a hot balloon full of gas and one containing some poor bugger who was in the wrong place at the wrong time… (Bill Watton)
  10. What’s black, has eyes, ears but no body? A dark-chocolate Easter egg.

“I’ve never been a big fan of these Ten Best Jokes lists, as they usually seem to feature lots of unoriginal one-liners.” (Anon). If you can’t spot the gag here, then the chances are that there is absolutely no chance whatsoever of finding anything else in this list worth chuckling at!

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