- I don’t like children … they have wet noses. (Anon)
- There are 60 minutes in an hour; 60 seconds in a minute; and 1,440 seconds in every day … unless it’s the third of June because on the third of June there are always only 25 seconds between lunchtime and bedtime…
- It’s amazing what can be done when nobody has any authority over anybody else. (Renato Benaglia)
- Two friars walk into a bar … They see a nun sitting on the roof of the bar so they get worried. A little later, a second nun comes along and sits beside the first on the rooftop… (Ryan Jankowski)
- What is black, has eyes, ears, legs but no body? (Mick Collins)
- Three Irishmen are sitting around a bar telling their troubles when suddenly three ghostly figures appear… One is a green spirit wearing an old army helmet and with one arm missing: the second has long, flowing blond hair; he has two horns on his forehead and goat legs instead of arms; and the third is covered from head to toe in blue paint. They are spirits that were responsible for their earthly deaths and have come to haunt them … (Patrick Winslade)
- If there’s a bomb in every issue, what do you call this paper? (Bill Dana)
- I’ve been doing 50 miles per hour since we left San Diego, but it’ll take at least a year for my blood alcohol content to go down below the legal limit. (Gavin Orr)
- The thing with airships is that when they explode, you get two big balls of flame rising up from the ground — one containing a hot balloon full of gas and one containing some poor bugger who was in the wrong place at the wrong time… (Bill Watton)
- What’s black, has eyes, ears but no body? A dark-chocolate Easter egg.
“I’ve never been a big fan of these Ten Best Jokes lists, as they usually seem to feature lots of unoriginal one-liners.” (Anon). If you can’t spot the gag here, then the chances are that there is absolutely no chance whatsoever of finding anything else in this list worth chuckling at!
