Government Builds Free Cloud-Based Backup for an Ungrateful Nation

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totient
Jul 8, 2013 · 2 min read

After the untimely revelation of PRISM, a government program designed to provide all Americans with free and secure online backup for their documents, emails, and contacts, the White House has expressed confusion and indignation at the burgeoning public outcry. “This was going to be a landmark program of this administration,” explained one administration official, speaking on the condition of anonymity, adding, “Listening to the news, you would think this is some kind of scandal.”

Although some elements of the Obama administration’s Dropbox-like service had already been implemented under President Bush, sources close to the White House say that the program was embraced by Barack Obama and his advisers once it became clear that it promised enormous benefits for the public. In a press conference earlier today, the White House Press Secretary explained, “We wanted to make a difference for the American people, and backing up all of their data seemed like a cost-effective way to make a big social impact. I’m honestly shocked that this would get such negative press, it really speaks to the media’s misplaced priorities.”

The cloud backup program, called PRISM, safely stores all American’s phone and email contacts so that they can be retrieved at any time in the future. A few thousand Americans are currently enrolled in a beta phase version of the program that would successfully backup all of their data, including the contents of their calls, emails, and documents, for years in a completely secure, state of the art data center located in Utah. “I’m just shocked at how ungrateful people have been about this,” said Obama, speaking outside of the White House. “This was supposed to be a surprise; I mean, it would be nice to at least hear a few thank yous.”

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