Why I’m Writing A Book About Cheating

And How You May Be Able To Help

Is everyone doing it?

It started out innocently but one little thing led to another and the next thing you know things were out of control. I began with the idea of writing a book about modern masculinity. I jumped into doing interviews but most of what I got just wasn’t compelling. Except when I asked guys about cheating. Then the conversations turned electric. I promised guys that I would never share their identity and they told me amazing stories and gave me honest thoughts about the many reasons why guys screw around. And the reasons why they stop.

Over a decade ago, I sat down to write an essay about the times I had cheated on girlfriends before I was married. Out flowed a piece I still love called “An Invitation To Carnal Russian Roulette Or Memoirs Of A Sexual Desperado.” (It’s in my book Never Drank the Kool-Aid.) Writing about cheating was exhilarating. It forced me to confront some of my deepest tendencies and my sense of morality and my desire to take risk. It also led me to share moments I was nervous talking about in public. I love writing about things people are nervous to talk about in public. When we talk about uncomfortable things that are driven by our deepest impulses we can get a really interesting look at who we are.

I was brought back to those feelings when I began interviewing guys about their cheating experiences and hearing the reasons why they cheat. And I thought it would be illuminating to go inside the proverbial locker room and discretely talk to my brothers and uncover the real reasons behind why men cheat. Men don’t often talk to each other about these things so when I began creating safe spaces for guys to talk about intimacy and cheating I began learning a lot about my brothers. So I realized I could write a discussion of male infidelity. Why men cheat. A topic covered by hundreds of writers before me, but one that’s still captivating, compelling, dangerous, and, if done right, very revealing.

I set a goal of interviewing at least 68 married men who are cheating now or were cheating in the past. I have spoken to 47. I’m looking for at least 21 more men to tell me their stories and share their opinions about cheating. I’m also looking to interview married women who are cheating now or were cheating in the past. My book will include no names and I will never reveal any identifying details.

If you’re married, or were married, and you’re cheating, or were in the past, I’d love to interview you about it on the phone. If you’re open to talking, email me at toureshow@gmail.com.

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