The Good. The Bad. The Forgivable (Part IV)
There was a moment of peace that walked into my living room, sat down beside me and said, “Well done.” Tomorrow would be better, but tonight, she’ll be in my dreams.
And, she was in my dreams that night and for many nights to come. Five years. We were together for five years and one day… One day, I came home to a space filled with only my belongings after having moved her in for three of those five years. No note, no text message, no email, no phone call. It was just an empty home all over again. My life had changed drastically with Mara in it and now without her…
He faded back into his living room, pacing, moving around with no destination in sight. Their last conversation wasn’t an indicator of anything wrong, there was no sign of a demise for their relationship. He had loved her with his full heart and she loved him with all that she could give, however, it wasn’t the life she wanted or needed.
“If I proposed, would you say yes?”
“Huh? Stop playing, Aion.”
“I don’t play about these things, Mara. If I proposed, would you say yes?”
“I wouldn’t say no.”
“But, is that a yes?”
“It isn’t a no.”
“Okay. I can work with that. I mean, I’d rather a yes… But, I can work with that.”
“Five years is a long time to be with someone. Think about five more, then five more, then five more. You get my drift, don’cha Aion?”
“Yes, I do. And, if I get to spend those years with you, I’d be where I want to be.”
She sighed. Her heart raced. She hadn’t thought about marriage. She loved Aion, this was not a question, but marriage? Getting married was what her friends did. It was what her parents couldn’t do. It had been what her last boyfriend did not accept when she proposed to him nearly ten years ago.
“I believe that we are fine without a proposal right now. Tomorrow is a new day and so on and furthermore.”
“I hear you.”
As he stood in his living room, white socks touching his cherry wood floors, he remembered the way she said, “we are fine without a proposal right now,” and then, he knew.
*Sighs* She wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready, and instead of telling me, she just left. Here I stand, heart heavy, mind still trying to get ahold of last week’s events, and I finally realize she wasn’t ready. She became afraid of us, our love, the next phase. She was no longer the Mara I knew, but the Mara I had never known.
“What do you do when someone who loved you stops loving you because of who they have become?”
You move on. One day at a time. At least, that’s what I’m doing.