The politics of marijuana: part two of a LOT

I’m still gathering my thoughts on the wonderfulness of the Tabu party, so in the meanwhile I will get back on my soapbox about the idiocy of the current marijuana laws, and how they are as ridiculous (and effective) as Prohibition was in the 1920's.

As most of you know, I am about to become a political prisoner of the cause, someone you, the taxpayer, will have the privilege of feeding, housing and medicating for a mandated period that may last anywhere from three months to five years, depending on my “good behavior” as well as the particular opinions of several people on a committee. I was capable of supporting myself just fine. In fact, I paid quite a lot of taxes during my long and varied profession as a writer.

The crime I pleaded to was growing marijuana, something I believe is part of my right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Did I profit from my hobby? Nope. Did I enjoy it? Yep. And did I learn from it? Absolutely.

The first thing I learned about pot was its pleasant, relaxing effect. Unlike drinking, it doesn’t impair your judgement, cause irrational or violent behavior, or cause blackouts, no matter how high the THC content or the amount consumed. About the worst thing I can say about smoking pot is it DOES lead to fits of the giggles, blind raging munchies, and a tendency to go to sleep if consumed in excess.

In my case, it quieted my constant anxiety and allowed me to function as a pleasant, responsible and creative adult.

How awful, right?

Now, another factor I want you to consider is that criminalizing marijuana makes it only available by ultimately feeding drug cartels, which we all agree are a bad thing. Decriminalizing people and allowing it to grow it themselves frees people from the need to deal with anyone else if they decide as adults they want to smoke pot. So, ultimately that starves out a major money feed to drug cartels and makes it virtually unfeasible to do things like, oh, grow it in national parks (a real problem in California that drains law enforcement resources that could be better served elsewhere).

A third factor to consider is the actual medicinal use of the marijuana plant. As I have gotten older and sicker, I realized that eating pot (it’s pretty easy to transfer the THC into vegetable oil or butter or the like) actually controls my bouts of irritable bowel syndrome. I won’t go into details, but let’s just say the “trots” are reduced to the “meanders” and I become a functional adult capable of experiencing life.

My endoscopy doctor (that’s a doctor who specializes in the lower digestive tract) has prescribed Viberzi instead of pot, since irritable bowel syndrome and anxiety are both not covered under current New Jersey law (thanks again, Chris Christie, you fat fuck). Viberzi is a codeine (derived from heroin) based pharmaceutical that has a similar effect, but causes a brand new and impressive side effect that makes me puke in my lap every time I try to go to the bathroom. For which Marinol has been prescribed. Marinol is a pharmaceutical derivative of marijuana.

What is wrong with this picture?

Colorado has become a major hub for medical research, job growth, housing growth and overall school budgets, thanks to its legalization and taxation of marijuana products. The three fastest-growing real estate markets are located in the three states that have the most reasonable (and taxable) marijuana laws. Coincidence? I think not.

So, now that although my house is on the market so I can not let the door hit me where the good Lord split me getting out of this backwards, rear-thinking state, I will be your problem and you get to support me and other evil gardeners like me.

Again, I ask, what’s wrong with this picture?

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