I recently read your article, “Coulter: Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation’s moral decay” and it inspired me to point out every way this article highlights that you are a short-sided, ignorant, self-righteous bitch.
“I’ve held off on writing about soccer for a decade — or about the length of the average soccer game — so as not to offend anyone.”
World Cup soccer is a 90-minute match, with a 15-minute halftime break, and minutes added for stoppage time. It is worth noting that soccer matches are much shorter than other major American sports, which have commercial breaks and timeouts.
“But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation’s moral decay.”
The growing interest in soccer seems paled in comparison to these horrific examples, but thank you for abusing your platform and wasting everyone’s time to put “the growing interest of soccer” in the forefront of what is truly decaying the morality in America.
- Many going to Super Bowl for child sex in New Jersey
- Boy, 13, held on charges he killed cousin, 16, over Xbox
- Surveillance Video Shows Bystanders Walking Over Dead Body in Convenience Store Entrance
- District man charged with fatally stabbing wife during argument over cable bill
- Stockton Couple Accused of Dismembering Roommate. Burning Torso in Campfire
- Sandy Hook School Shooting
- Police: High school shooter was armed for mass killings
- 10 NFL Stars Who’ve Been Charged with Horrible Crimes
“Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls — all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they’re standing alone at the plate. But there’s also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.”
I would wager that these people, (winners of the MVP award, the Goalkeeper of the Year award, the Golden Boot award, Defender of the Year award, etc., etc.) would all argue that there is individual glory in the sport of soccer.
“In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability…”
Colombian defender Andrés Escobar. Google it.
“Do they even have MVPs in soccer?”
You clearly spent more time cruising the freeway in Long Beach, California reading marquee signs than actually researching your article. Shame on you.
“Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That’s when we’re supposed to go wild. I’m already asleep.”
Of all the bullshit in this article you got one thing right, soccer players do indeed run up and down the field. In fact, soccer matches log the most miles run in any sport.
“The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport.”
Although this is a truly misguided and absurd way to define what is and what is not a sport, soccer possesses both.
“I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO’s “Girls,” light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is “catching on” is exceeded only by the ones pretending women’s basketball is fascinating.”
This entire bullet point is nothing more than an SEO ploy. You are an attention whore with no shame. You literally just plucked hot keywords and randomly inserted them in this article. #Beyonce #HillaryClinton #NewYorkTimes #HBOGirls
‘It’s foreign. In fact, that’s the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not “catching on” at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.”
I must have missed the election where African-Americans elected you their representative and their voice to the world. Data? Stats? Evidence? No? Alrighty then.
“The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women’s World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC.
Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year’s Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.”
The USA-Portugal game was televised at 9a PST/12p EST on a fucking Thursday in the US. Let’s start airing “run-of-the-mill” football games in the same time slot and compare viewership. How many Americans would leave work, call in sick, or have the support of their employer to watch the Baltimore Ravens play the Cincinnati Bengals?
“In soccer, the women’s games are as thrilling as the men’s.”
I am sure you wrote this tongue-in-cheek and meant it as yet another ridiculous criticism of the sport—proving once again that your desire for attention severely outweighs anything and everything else. The fact that women’s soccer has earned its spot on not just a national stage but the world’s stage is only a testament to the sport, the women playing, and American’s love for the sport.
“Remember when the media tried to foist British soccer star David Beckham and his permanently camera-ready wife on us a few years ago? Their arrival in America was heralded with 24-7 news coverage. That lasted about two days. Ratings tanked. No one cared.”
Your net worth: $8.5 million
Beckham’s net worth : $350 million
Email me when Traci Jones publishes or recommends stories