Being a Product Manager in Silicon Valley

The keyboard is my paintbrush and the world is my canvas

Portrait of the prince on his white stallion [Silicon Valley, circa 2016]

I am a product manager in Silicon Valley, and I consider myself to be an artist. In the valley, being an artist is a coveted jobs, and I’m fortunate to be employed at the Prince’s palace.

The prince likes to call his inner council his “unicorns.” Most people in the town goes along with it, they call them unicorn too. They do that to get in the prince’s favor.

As an artist, I specialize in painting portraits. Mostly, I paint the prince and his royal family. Now, the key to being a good painter is to understand your audience. The audience, in my case, is the prince.

One day, the prince ordained me to paint a portrait of him on his white stallion. I painted it, but I stretched his figure to be disproportionately bigger than his actual size. He’s actually quite small, I mean he is barely my height. Anyway, when I finished the painting and showed it to the prince, he loved it.

And that was my AH HA moment. Behind this artist facade, I am actually just his mirror on the wall.

Each morning, the prince asks me:

“Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who’s the best CEO of them all?”
“You are, my prince,”

I reply to him, through my paintings.

But don’t get me wrong, I love my job. The couches are cushy, the chairs are ergonomics, and the pay is good. The prince supplies me with finest paintbrushes and largest canvases on earth. The best part of my job is the people — I get to work with talented people from all over the world.

And the benefits ain’t bad either. I get on-site massages, unlimited rides on the Uber chariot, organic food, and fancy beverages like Darjeeling teas all the way from India!

But I have to make my own espresso. My friend at a different palace says they have a barista. I could really use a barista around our palace.

Woe is me!

Woe is me! Me and my first world white guy problems!