Taming the Teenage Monster (happily!)
“Showing compassion and consideration does not make you a wuss”. I smile and rub his back.
“I hate when you do that!” he said with a half smile.
The gifts of being psychic as a parent are awesome. Reaching in to see what errant thought is getting in the way helps out a ton.
I get a smile and BAM — I know that connection has been made.
I assure you, you don’t have be psychic to figure out these and navigate these years, but you do have to be willing to reach back into your own experiences and gain perspective on what your teen might be going through.
Parenting can be hard AF!
I learned a while ago that speaking to my kids in the level that they understand can help them move mountains of energy and heal oodles of tension that is going on in their lives. Taking myself off of the parenting pedestal so that I can dig in deep with them and really connect on a level that they get has been my most effective tool yet.
By doing this, I build major street cred and guess what? My kids talk to me.
And I enjoy it.
I got a laugh and that always opens the door to communication. Whoop!
I grew up in a household that oozed authoritarianism, control and dominance. If I was not willing to fall into line, I would be spanked, slapped, yelled at, until I broke and bended to the will of my parents.
And that wooden spoon, I fucking HATED that thing.
It occurred to me when my oldest hit the age of 11 that I was starting to repeat various patterns of my childhood. When I started wishing for time to pass and them to go to bed, I knew that something needed to change.
As tension grew between myself and my kids, I had to make a decision as to whether or not I wanted to repeat the patterns of my childhood or embark on a new path that would support a long-lasting, healthy relationship with them. It seemed like a hefty (and possibly impossible task.) But there HAD to be a better way than wishing for them to be away from my presence.
That’s when I let my fingers do the walking (I mean, seriously — thank GOD for the internet!) and found the BEST book ever (I adore books!) — I still refer back to it when I need a refresher on teenage communication. It promised a new teen by Friday and I am pretty sure that I got one by Wednesday. What else happened? I found inner peace from various aspects of my own childhood. It seems conscious living is everywhere when you start to look for new ways to “do” things in your life.
Have a New Teenager by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman was the turning point in my child rearing. I got better as a parent and when I got better, I created better, healthier communication with my teen(s) — I have a couple of them.
The teenage monster that I had been dreading, the one that I wished time away for — was being tamed and what was emerging was/is the fantastic young adult that I love being around.
Opting for a new road was HANDS DOWN the.BEST.decision that I’ve ever made.
Here is what I have discovered along the way:
- The old ways were not allowing any of us to work through all levels of emotions that we were experiencing, they were only offering a way to paper over them so that everybody would be “happy” on the surface. But, communications were breaking down and distance was being felt. I was told by other parents that this is just that age, and to muddle through it the best way that I could. Whenever I think advice sucks, I vow to change it for the better.
- I made a list of what worked and what didn’t work from my childhood rearing and committed to learning as much as I could about new ways to parent.
- I addressed all of the old feelings from my childhood and healed them so that I could truly be the guardian that I have committed to being for my kids. If you want to make major waves in a new way to approach your kids (and tame the teenage monster), find out what you hated in regards to how you were disciplined as a kid — heal those feelings and watch magic happen in your household. As YOU step into a new way of being, you bring more conscious living (and loving) into your household.
- This time in your teen’s life is just as significant as anything that we are going through as adults. I remember when I was 12 and 13, and something was going on in my life that was a truly earth shattering….to me, but my parents have their own worries and forgot what it was like to be 12 and 13. So, my emotions were deemed insignificant. I remember feeling so alone. No wonder my teenage years felt so wobbly, I felt like I had zero support at home. And I didn’t know how to provide that support for myself — until now. At the age of 42, I get to support myself and show my kids how to do it now.
How powerful that is! To be able to create a confident, conscious person at a young age? They will have the world as their oyster forever. They will bring in more love to their life AND the lives of others earlier. They will harness the ways of the light NOW.
As you Remember what it was like to be that age, you can relate to what is going on in your child’s life.
Gosh, that age sucked big time. Thankfully, doesn’t have to be that way for our kids.
Hi, I’m Tracy Gromen, Self Mastery Coach & Healer. I help females get and stay happy by teaching them how to step into conscious living. When they do, they find balance in all areas of their life, which helps them create more time for themselves, their family, their business and other life priorities guilt free. As they do this, they heal old patterns that have kept them overwhelmed, which allows them to freely focus their energy on what matters to them creating abundance in all areas of their life!
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