How one dad’s squat in a Florida Texas Roadhouse went viral—and sparked a movement

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Donte Palmer, a father of three, had been running errands with his 1-year-old around St. Augustine, Florida, when he ended up at a Texas Roadhouse — and found himself in urgent need of a changing table. There wasn’t one in the men’s room, so he did what he had to do.

He squatted.

On Instagram, he documented what he must often endure to change his baby’s diaper when out in public. “This is a serious post!!!” Palmer captioned it. “What’s the deal with not having changing tables in men’s [bathrooms] as if we don’t exist!! Clearly we do this often because look how comfortable my son is. It’s routine to him! …


Surely as the leaves must fall, the dick has its autumnal transition. Here’s everything you need to know about cold-weather shrinkage

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There can be no light without darkness; there can be no happiness without sadness. And so it only follows that there can be no summer penis without a winter penis.

Just as warm weather causes the summer penis to emerge swollen, relaxed, excitable and full of get-up-and-go, the chilly months cause the member to return to its dormant state — shy, shrunken and taut. Call it Newton’s third law of dick physics.

But why is winter penis all over your timeline? No, don’t blame Cocktober. This is entirely my fault, and I accept your condemnation. …


There’s a bright light at the end of that pockmarked tunnel, according to science

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In spite of recent attempts by celebrities like Justin Bieber to make zits seem cool, it’s safe to say most people don’t clamor for an acne-riddled face. After all, we spend billions annually to get rid of the suckers. But there’s new research that suggests there is a bright successful light at the end of the pockmarked tunnel: A new, forthcoming study claims that high school acne sufferers typically have higher GPAs and a greater likelihood of knocking out that bachelor’s degree. (That’s right: You may call me Mr. Professional Pizza Face, thank you.)

The Atlantic reports that economists Hugo Mialon and Erik Nesson from Emory University and Ball State studied intel on thousands of teens from the mid-’90s through the following decade, drawn from data in the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent to Adult Health. Those who self-reported acne in high school were more likely to score an A in English, math, history, science and social studies by 1.8 percentage points, and more likely to complete a college degree by 3.8 …


*screams into the abyss*

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I got yer presidential alert right here: A new study finds that one in six men who take a shit at work don’t always wash their hands afterward. It was a British study, so we know that they don’t take shits, they “have a poo” — but of all their crimes, it’s the lack of consistent hand-washing after the pooing that is most troubling. Explain yourselves, poo-petrators.

Okay, to be fair, it’s not clear how bad the problem really is: Like germs, the statistics are all over the place. One study found that 85 percent of adults washed their hands in public restrooms. Yet another, more widely cited statistic is that only 67 percent of people do so. …


There’s a reason Cory Booker’s sexual misconduct story sounds so different from Brett Kavanaugh’s

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When New Jersey Sen. Cory Booker demanded an investigation into the “serious and credible” assault allegations levied against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, he waltzed himself in front of an alt-right firing squad.

Trouble is, Booker is being called out as a hypocrite for having a less-than-perfect past with at least one woman, which has given President Trump and other conservatives an opportunity to suggest that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw FBI investigations around. The other trouble is, Booker himself is said to be eyeing a presidential run.

The head-scratcher here is that the only reason anyone knows about “the incident” (which is hardly an incident at all — more on that in a bit) is because Booker surfaced it himself as a mea culpa in 1992. All of which raises some questions: How should men deal with any past incidents of sexual misconduct, regardless of severity? And does their honesty and openness grant them any sort of immunity from blowback? …


They’re still pariahs in pop culture—but the truth about stepparent abuse is far more complicated

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A full 16 percent of families are blended—but if stepfathers are out there crushing it on the job, we don’t seem to hear a lot about it.

Pop-culture depictions give us the occasionally perfect stepdad, such as Mike Brady in The Brady Bunch, but the rest tend to fall somewhere in between the abusive Bill in Boyhood and the outright horrifying Humbert Humbert in Lolita.

But recently, Slate noted cautiously that there were small, barely detectable signs in Hollywood that the perception of stepfathers might be changing—critically, into something other than “moron, molester or maniac.” This is important, because in one previous study of portrayals of stepparents, nearly 60 percent were portrayed negatively, and the rest made “no evaluative comments.” …


What (and who) is Kivin? And can it really give all types of women guaranteed, earth-shattering orgasms?

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It’s a glorious day when mankind — and we do mean mankind — bravely pushes through the confusion and wilderness of uncharted sexual territory only to discover something in practice for thousands of years. Today, that’s the Kivin Method, a sideways oral sex technique that promises to give all types of women guaranteed, earth-shattering clitoral orgasms in 12 minutes (or 10 minutes, or five, if you’re nasty).

I understand you’ll have some questions.

Uh, yeah. Let’s cut to the chase. How the hell do I Kivin my lady?

It’s a two-step dance. You, the man or woman giving oral, will be lying sideways while the receiving partner is on her back, so that your tongue can sweep across her clitoral hood between two points sometimes described as little grains of rice, while your finger pushes on the perineum (or taint) at the same time. …


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If you’ve treated yourself to Seamless or another delivery app lately—as most city-dwellers have—you may have noticed a curious new thing.

You’re tracking the food’s arrival, and finally, it’s here. The driver arrives near your place, but instead of bringing the goods to the door and knocking, they text or call and say, “I’m outside.” They want you to come to the curb and pick it up yourself.

Huh.

Does it make you an asshole to expect delivery to be brought to your door?

First off, it’s hard to get a handle on how underpaid and abused delivery drivers are. They’re the grunts in a multibillion-dollar operation that’s rapidly expanding, for which they are not compensated anywhere near enough. UberEats, GrubHub, DoorDash and Postmates are raking in dough hand over fist, and one way to “contain costs” is to do what GrubHub just did: convince the courts that their drivers are not regular employees but contractors. They cost the company 30 percent less, and critically, GrubHub doesn’t have to give them any real perks or job security. …


Our go-to urologist had a whole lot to say about this one

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There’s no beating around this bush: Your penis should be sparkling clean before you go introducing that thing to a new friend. But it’s one thing to blast the sludge off with water and soap and quite another to douse it in cologne, Febreze or, as we heard recently, baking soda.

Actress and comedian Tiffany Haddish gave men a little genital-cleaning advice recently that has us wondering just what the best practices are on penis upkeep. Haddish, currently making the promotional rounds for her role as a no-nonsense teacher in the film Night School, told The Late Late Show With James Corden that if she were a teacher in real life, she’d teach sex ed. …


Brett Kavanaugh is the latest to wield the ultimate weapon in scandal PR—the Wife Boost

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Brett Kavanaugh’s wife, Ashley Estes Kavanaugh, sits beside her husband in her conservative Sunday best, her hands and ankles crossed demurely, and says pretty much what you’d expect a wife to say when her man is accused of two instances of sexual assault. Kavanaugh, she tells Fox News, is “decent, he’s kind, he’s good,” and she doesn’t need to interrogate him.

In other words, whatever these women are saying about Kavanaugh just wasn’t compatible with his wife’s image of him, and she’ll be damned if she’ll entertain any notion to the contrary.

It was a familiar setup to longtime viewers of political theater. Ashley Kavanaugh is standing by her man, offering the only assist a good woman can: the Wife Boost. It’s a power-up that tells the world this is a family man who, by design, can’t be capable of a terrible crime like sexual assault. …

Tracy Moore

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