What to do When you feel like you’re dying…
I hate to be melodramatic.
There is a place for drama however when you feel like you’re dying. I’m not talking about the worst possible hangover after a girls night making out with a boy half your age, or breaking a bone, or food poisoning. All these make you feel wretched but at least you know there will be an end to your suffering with enough water, Tylenol and time.
No, I’m talking about really feeling like you’re dying. Like feeling yourself slowly disappearing. Cell by cell, you’re shrinking. I’m talking about consistent chronic pain, like being squeezed in a vice, surprised at how it can possibly hurt more than it did yesterday. That kind of feeling like you’re dying doesn’t shift with Tylenol, or water.
Time is all you’ve got and time is not being kind.
I know I’m not alone in feeling like this today. In my own circles I’d have to say at least 30% of the women I know have some kind of chronic pain. I’ve seen and been down to the depths of despair over diagnoses or no diagnoses. We all want to know what is killing us. We were good people. Good mothers, good wives, good workers, we exercised and we ate well. It’s a merry go round of emotions and predictions, of victories and defeat and most of all of living and dying.
Most of the time I choose living, but every once in a while I get to thinking about NOT getting better. I have a chronic nervous system disorder that hasn’t been diagnosed after a year and a half of bouncing around to doctors, having multitudes of tests, and becoming increasingly disabled by the week. I’m good at thinking positively and really do believe in the ability to heal oneself, and that keeps me going…most of the time. Last week however, the dark brooding of a New Moon brought with it a defeated feeling of acceptance. I’m thinking, “ok, this is bad, I think I’m really dying, but I also think I’ll be okay with that.”
WTF???
This is no good. Hope is your best friend. So the number one thing to do when you feel like you’re really gonna die is to call her up!
Hope is not a sit on the sofa and eat Cheetos kind of best friend though, so you have make some plans if you want her to come out and play.
I’ll share with you some of my own play dates with Hope and I ask you to share your own in the comments!
1: Hope loves yoga. Yoga loves Hope. When Hope and Yoga have their regularly scheduled meet ups, life seems to flow just that much better and for at least those 90 or so minutes, I don’t feel like I’m dying.
2: Hope loves music. Music loves Hope. Hope just can’t help herself when the rhythm sticks hit her. Dancing is almost always a side effect.
3: Hope loves Nature. Nature loves Hope. Get Hope outside and she expands and multiplies and spreads herself across humanity in love and joy for the wide open sky.
4: Hope loves company. Company loves Hope. As hard as it is, no matter how hard it is, connect with your people, your tribe. Hope is an extrovert. She feeds off the energy of love and laughter, of debate and conversation, of family and friends. Don’t starve Hope, she’s not herself when she’s hungry.
5: Hope loves to listen. Hope will find the solutions. Hope will find help. When you can’t talk to anyone else about how you feel, You can always talk to Hope.
Lastly…Hope loves You. Even when you don’t love her back. She’s always there, waiting for your call.
I love Hope ❤️
