FOBA: Fear of being alone.

Lately, I feel I’m falling short of words, I have fewer things to say. I screen calls, and avoid text messages. I frequently find myself drifting away from the general conversation. I have become extremely selective with the choice of people around me. Most often, I am lazying diagonally on my queen sized bed, which is too big for just me. I pretend to be busy, when actually, I’m working on absolutely nothing.

I ponder, 
“Am I losing on what everyone’s so earnestly clasping on to?
 Am I missing out on all the hashtags, the fun and frolic, 
the social media connects, 
being out with real people, 
getting out of my comfort zone, 
and enjoying a normal, regular, and real life? 
Am I purposely cornering myself, 
and turning into a bigger introvert, 
Or worse, a loner?
Will I be ending up alone?
All alone?”

Well, that’s enough negativity for one lonely night. As per my diagnosis (and I’m rarely wrong about myself), I was suffering from FOBA syndrome, a self coined term for “Fear of being alone”. Do I really wish to spend my day with people who I don’t even care about? No, certainly I don’t! I absolutely despise the thought of being stuck in a forced interaction, a meaningless conversation. I hate the idea of flashing an involuntary, non-genuine smile. What I really feel is, we’re so entangled in the turmoil of the outside world, so drunk in it’s shallowness, so high on the luxuries, that we have forgotten the little intricacies of our regular life.

Maybe it’s time, 
It’s time to cut through the background noise, and to listen to our own heartbeat, for a change. Our inner voice is the loudest, when we pay attention to it. Acknowledge that little voice, talk to yourself. It’s therapeutic.

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