15.2: If I puked up some sonnets, would you call me a miracle? (1)
Unless otherwise noted with italics, lyrics are by Neko Case, including the above title. Songs corresponding to the numbers are listed below.
Memories wear thick coats
The kind that pull you down. (9)
Heavy enough, carried long enough,
Now I look back upon a void
When you say, “I’m from nowhere,”
You’re right (3)
But becoming is coming for me.
There’s nothing quite so poison as a promise (6)
I was surprised
When you called me a lady
’Cause I’m still not so sure that that’s what I wanna be (3)
Your big hand [held] my face
I thought, surely there’s a real woman coming to erase me (8)
A chill ran through me
And I grabbed on tight to a hand still unknown.
That was when I left my body for good
And I shook off all the strength I’d earned(4),
realized I had to start over.
I let a vision lead me forward.
He let go of my hand
And passed me an oar.
He said “Come on, sweet girl, let’s find you an ocean
That goes with your eyes.” (8)
And there’s always someone to say, “It’s easy for me. (1)
Why do you have to be different?”
There’s nothing you can say to me (1)
That will make me change
You’ll not be my master,
You’re barely my guest (6)
I’m not your identity crisis (2)
I’m not yours to discuss
I am not a mess
I am a wilderness (6)
You are not invited within
I’ll reveal myself when I’m ready (5)
If you barge in on me
Don’t you tell me I didn’t warn you
That that’s some gravity you ought not to play with (6)
I logged a furious path one-handed
To a hotel with no one waiting
But me and me and my whole life (7)
I’ll reveal myself invincible soon (5)
You can follow Alix on Instagram and Twitter @alixwuzhere.
If you liked this piece, in lieu of compensating me, click the links to donate to Trans Lifeline and/or Ingersoll Gender Center. Also consider donating to Seattle trans community-builders Vern Harner and/or Dylan Wilder Quinn.