Embracing the Paradox of Masculine and Feminine Energy
My nonbinary identity has led me down the twisting path of gender
UPDATE 2023: I wrote all these essays back when I was immersed in trans ideology. I detransitioned and I’ve changed my mind about many things. https://youtube.com/@RayAlexWilliams?si=JIEdBcopAIxOPtEW
I find myself thinking a lot about the balance of energies within myself, those that are constituted by what could be called the masculine and the feminine. As a nonbinary person, what does it mean to find balance within the gender binary? Is balance necessary? Does it necessarily have to be balanced to be composed in a beautiful fashion? Is it not enough to just exist along the spectrum, within the multidimensional space of gender? Can I put my thumb on the scales and still be nonbinary?
On a superficial level there is my appearance. I come off as vaguely feminine, with long hair and casually feminine gender expression. But there is also a harshness to my appearance, indicated in my voice and facial features, as well as my undercut, which is a deliberate move to inspire androgyny, to send off queer energy. This is to push the observer to a state of ambivalence that leans towards the feminine. Such a state is often a source of anxiety for me yet strangely it is also what is most comfortable. Such is nonbinary life.
