Why It’s Hard to Accept My Body
I want to lift weights for health and fitness, but my dysphoria gets in the way
UPDATE 2023: I wrote all these essays back when I was immersed in trans ideology. I detransitioned and I’ve changed my mind about many things. https://youtube.com/@RayAlexWilliams?si=JIEdBcopAIxOPtEW
I’m currently trying to lose weight and as an ex-personal trainer I know for a fact that the best way to do so is to lift weights. Extra muscle increases the metabolism and burns more calories. Plus it’s just good for you in general. Not only that but lifting weights and fitness is on trend. But as a trans woman who already has a good bit of muscularity, if I lifted weights I know I would eventually get so muscular to the point of triggering my gender dysphoria and feeling too “manly”.
I love the fitness community. I want to be part of it. I love squatting, deadlifting, gym culture, etc. I was a part of this world for a long time. Powerlifting, bodybuilding, etc., But I eventually stopped because I no longer liked how my body looked (not to mention the rampant transphobia and ignorance in the community). It triggered my fears of “looking like a man”. This is unfortunate because I like the look of muscularity and fitness on other women. I just can’t handle it for myself. If I had a vagina and a prettier face and more feminine voice, perhaps I could handle it as…
