Marriage — Domestic Violence
Marriage is indeed a beautiful and sacred part of our lives. It’s one of the Sunnahs of the Prophet ﷺ that is highly encouraged for us to do.
Prophetﷺ said: “Whoever Allāh ﷻ nourishes with a righteous wife, then Allāh has assisted him in half of his religion”
Prophet ﷺ also said: “Marriage is of my Sunnah; whoever refrains from my Sunnah, refrains from me.”
And marriage is built upon two essential things: mawaddah (genuine mutual love) & raḥmah (tenderhearted mercy), — Surah al Rūm 30:21
But unfortunately, not all marriages reflect such concepts and ideals. There are spouses who are living in fear instead of tranquility. Instead of presented with love and mercy by their partner, they face everyday in their lives constant anger and hatred.
The Beloved ﷺ said: “The best of you are those who are best to their family, and I am the best to my family.”
He ﷺ also said: “The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the most excellent character and the best of you are the best in behavior to their women.”
Our religion never condoned domestic violence in any shape or form. Instead, we are asked to focus on the good of our partners.
It is evident in Sūrah al Nisāʾ 4:19:
“O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness, so that you may take away part of what you have given them, unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them honourably. For if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good”
It’s funny how there are people out there who try to justify what they are doing by using religion, despite our religion says otherwise.
Sayyidatinā ʿĀʾisha said: “The Messenger of Allāh ﷺ never hit anything with his hand neither a servant nor a woman”
The Prophet ﷺ said: “How does anyone of you beat his wife as though he is hitting a stallion camel and then proceeds and sleeps with her?”
Domestic violence happens behind closed doors. And it can happen to the most religious, educated, and seemingly happiest families. However, it is never a private matter that needs to be contained within the family. Exposing abuse isn’t exposing one’s ʿaib, it is exposing the oppression that happens in the family. It is incumbent upon us, a religious duty, to help and assist if we know someone who is going through such situation.
The Emissary of Allāh ﷺ said: “Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or an oppressed.”
A man asked, “O the Messenger of Allāh, I will help him if he is oppressed, but if he is an oppressor, how shall I help him?”
The Prophet ﷺ replied, “By preventing him from oppressing [others], and that is how to help him.”
Domestic violence isn’t just physical. It can be emotional and psychological in nature. Sometimes, the victims may not even recognise that the abuse is taking place. They are made to believe that they deserve the abuse or that it is religiously-accepted that they be treated in such manner. This is far from the truth, and we must help them realise the situation, as this has a long-term impact on them especially the children. It is imperative that we help to report acts of any domestic violence early. It’s a misconception to think that stepping in is wrong. To not interfere is to prolong the suffering and encourage further abuse.
May Allāh protect the sanctity of our marriage. May He guide us to treat our spouses with respect & dignity, and with much care & affection.