Your life is about to change.
You didn’t realize it when you woke up this morning, but today is the day your life is going to change forever. (UPDATE: it sold almost immediately)
Have you ever thought to yourself, “I’d really love to own a 2017 Kia Sportage, but I’m too much of a coward?”
Don’t be embarrassed. We all have. I mean, it’s a Kia Sportage! These things don’t just come along every day! What if you can’t handle it? What if it introduces you to a thrilling new lifestyle that you’re not ready for?
What if you don’t DESERVE it?
Stop doubting yourself, right now. You can handle it. You’re ready for it. You deserve it. It’s time to be better than your insecurities. It’s time to take what’s yours. You’ll never forget this day. It was the day you got a hot tip about a sparkling clean, barely used Kia Sportage available for sale in Buxton. You can finish reading this article, or you can just click the link and buy it now; this thing won’t last long.
Need convincing? Fine. Look: this isn’t really about the Kia Sportage. You want the car already. You’re daydreaming about driving it right now. You’re packing the spacious trunk full of adventure gear, sinking into the soft cloth seats, setting the cruise control at “however fast I want” and putting the car in hyperdrive, sailing down an endless highway where the opportunities are limitless. Deep down, you know that you have always wanted a Kia Sportage. Maybe before you were even born. No, this isn’t about the car at all. This is about you.
It’s about your fears, and your wants and your desires; and it’s about the life-changing moment where you conquered all of them. It’s about the moment when you touched God; and then you grabbed a handful, and kept a piece of him for yourself.
It’s about the moment, mere seconds from now, when you buy a gently used 2017 Kia Sportage from my dad.
Some people — who are very small inside — deride Kia cars as being of poor quality. Well, the 2017 Sportage scores a 4.6/5 on Edmunds, 8.2/10 on US News and World Report’s best cars and a 4/5 on Car and Driver. Of the Sportage, US News and World Report says: “The combination of a high finish in our rankings, a low starting price, and a broad range of desirable features means the Kia Sportage has a real claim to being a buyer’s best choice among compact SUVs.” But why should you trust those guys? they’re just the EXPERTS.
Buddy, those are great reviews. Better than the Forester, the RAV-4 and the Nissan Rogue, and the Rogue is Star Wars approved. If the Rogue is that nice British gal who dies at the end of Rogue One, the Sportage is Darth Frigging Vader: suited up in black metal and juicing on pure, Dark Side-quality Force. And he’s out for blood.
Once you’re driving this Kia, you won’t have to answer to anyone anymore. Feel like tooling it up a little? It’s still under a kickass factory warranty, so that’s Kia’s problem! Bad weather? It’s got All-Wheel Drive and traction control, so Mother Nature can pound sand! Need to drive somewhere AND make a phone call at the same time? Repeat after me: Hashtag-Bluetooth, party animals! Feel like seeing what’s behind you, but don’t want to turn around like a philistine? It’s got a back up camera, like all the millionaires use!
Hey, maybe during a long, ruminative cruise along a dark stretch of road you’d like to turn up the radio and listen to the best premium news, music, sports and comedy from around the country. Well you can do just that, with my dad’s Kia. It’s satellite ready. But the real question is, are you? I think that you are.
It has less than 18 thousand miles on it, which means it’s barely even broken in. According to a respected local car dealer, the 2017 Kia Sportage STARTS at over $23K. But my dad is an eminently fair dealer. He only wants $19,200 — which is low — but he would consider taking more. This deal is a walking dream. This Kia combines all the live-wire thrill of owning a fierce, slate grey midsize road-warrior with the reliability of a practically new, highly reviewed car that has one of the best warranties in its class.
You know what? Never mind. This is too good of a deal. Don’t make an offer. You’re not the kind of person who scores deals like this. That always happens to Hedge Fund managers and sports agents, the people you read about in Winners Magazine.
Just forget it.
Now then. If you’re still here, I was testing you — and you passed. Congratulations! The car is yours if you contact my mom at the link before some other winner beats you to it, and show up in Buxton with $19,200. It will be the best decision you make this year. This Sportage is inspected, it’s detailed, and it’s ready to go. You are, too. Your time has come. Buy my dad’s Kia.
Here’s that link, one more time.
You’re welcome.
