I know you are but what am I.... Gaslighting at it's finest

If you follow me, you know my story as I am always transparent. I've always been honest about my dating escapades and especially the type of men I've dated. I did not have a good picker for the longest time. I've dated narcissist, passive-aggressive, controlling, jealous men.

But this has taught me a lot, especially now because I can pick them out of a crowd, a million miles away.

Last week I also wrote about this and was abusive and since I got so many responses I wanted to rerun this blog to show you that even though you changed and you may think others have changed, sometimes that is not the case. As I realized that sometimes God needs to throw a brick at my head yet again becauseI haven't gotten the message. This blog that I wrote 4 years ago is that brick….

Not that long ago my ex boyfriend and I got together. Now I should have known better because this was a disaster from the beginning and every time we tried to give it another shot, it ended up being a bigger disaster.

I realized he was always trying to put me down, always telling me what was wrong with me and what I was doing wrong. Never once admitting to any wrongdoing on his behalf at all.

So this last time I decided that I would try things his way, maybe it was me, maybe I was doing this all wrong. Maybe just maybe if I did try things his way it would work out like he said it would.

Now try not to laugh when I tell you his way, was that it was okay not to text the person that you're with everyday or speak to that person everyday. It was okay, in his mind to go ghost for days at a time. This was a huge issue for me in the beginning because I feel if you care about someone and you're in that person's life, you should want to talk to them everyday. You want to know how their day was, how they are feeling, tell them that you miss them or just talked to them about everyday things. He said I was always Tinkerbell and that I believed and happily-ever-afters and all that was just bullshit.

Look, I don't think I am too smart to learn new things. I am open to hearing others advice and even trying to see if it works, so this was no different.

I would text him, he would respond hours or days later. I tried not to say anything but kept going on with my life. I tried to initiate us to get together but he always had things going on.

Now to let you know that I am not truly stupid, I already knew the outcome of this experiment but because he said if I did it his way, if I was to take things slow, then it would work out. I decided to go along with this game because just on the off chance he was right, maybe I did need to change my approach.

Well this game went on for over a month, basically the same shit again and again. When the holidays came along and I knew he had no family here, I decided to invite him to my home. He said yes, he would come. The morning of, I texted him and told him what time dinner was and nothing....

No, I didn't hear from him until 3 days later.

His response was "I just got back into town. Sorry I'm terrible lol... but you know I don't celebrate the holidays lol"

Seriously, that was your apology?

Okay, I'm done, I can only put up with bullshit for so long until you get to a point where you say enough is enough.This was definitely enough, I was done, cooked, and burnt for the last time.

I waited a week to respond and I went on to tell him no he wasn't just terrible, he was self centered, inconsiderate and heartless. I went on to say that I was done. (In a few extra choice words) He in his usual form came back at me saying that it was my fault, that I was bitter, mean and angry. That it was all my fault that this didn't work out again.

Ha! Gaslighting at it's finest! Turn it around and blame me because you're an asshole ha! That is funny.

But if you also read my blogs you know that I am hard headed and it takes me a few times to get things. It's not because I am dumb, it's because I want to see the best in people. I am willing to give them chances, I believe we all make mistakes, so I try to see the good in them.

But it comes to a point when you realize some people are just fucked up. That they will never take responsibility for anything because they don't think there is anything wrong with them. Narcissistic, controlling passive-aggressive, Alpha men, all have these traits.

That was the blog I wrote 4 years ago and you may ask why did I agree to meet with him now after all these years? Well, first I went to therapy and I knew that I changed and grew and I thought maybe he had too.

And even though he proved it time and time again, I still held out hope until we had plans and yet again he blew me off with no call or text and when he did call the next day he didn't even give an apology. I got mad and told him how disrespectful that was and he turned it on me and said I should have reminded him... it was then I realized it's him and not me.

Nothing you do or say will ever be "perfect"

No matter how you do things, it will never be enough. This is their issue, you are just chasing a ghost and everytime you jump one hoop there is another and then another and another because there is never a finish line for people like this.

This is a race you will never win, so you have to give it up, move on and take the lessons with you.

I know there are amazing men out there that will text and talk to you every day because their day wouldn't be complete without it. I know there are men who put you first, who want to spend any free time they have with you, men that don't need reminding to take you out. I know a man can and will put your feelings and your needs above his own.

I know all of this because I had a prince... and he taught me these things.

So to you... Mr. I know you are but what am I…

I really thought you could change, like I have but realized that I am done waiting for it.

I am waiting for a real man, and yes, I may be Tinkerbell but I believe he's out there.

Thank you for teaching me when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Thank you for teaching me what I will settle for and what is a waste of my time.

Thank you for giving me what I needed to realize you will never be it and for allowing me to close that door, lock it and walk away for good.

Yes, there is always a lesson to learn...

Remember to look for the signs of gaslighting...

I know you are but what am I.....

"Be the change you want to see"

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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