Knowing that God has me
Knowing that God has me has kept me sane through the toughest of times. It has gotten me through some of the worst storms, storms that I thought I would never make it through. But it has not always been like that, I did not always believe that God was there for me, in fact I didn't believe in God at all.
At one point in my life I hated God, I couldn't imagine that God could let a fifteen-year-old go through all that I had went through. All the pain and all the sorrow, how could he allow all of that to happen to me, a fifteen year old, a child? And so I hated him.
What I've learned is that we've all been there, we have all lost hope at one point of our lives or another. I also know that in our darkest times of need, we cry out to him. We have no one else to turn to, we have lost all hope and the only hope we have is praying to a God that we sometimes don't even believe in.
Yes, I was not always the Christian woman that I am now. I was hurt and broken, full of anger and hate. I had a big ego, I thought I got this, you have never been there before, what do I need you for now?
Yes, we all say this until you have hit rock bottom, until you don't want to go on, until your beaten down so bad, until you have no other choice but to turn to him.
We all know people, that right before they are going to die, or when a loved one is dying start praying to a God they "don't" believe in.
I am no different, after a 8 day drug binge I cried out for help as I knew I couldn't do this on my own, I was too far gone. It was then, when I had no other choice, no other hope, that I gave my life over to God and he took away my addiction, he helped give me the strength to rebuild my life.
Our relationship with God is like our earthy relationships, as time goes by you take it for granted and you don't work at it as much, you don't appreciate it as much and I got caught up thinking I can do this on my own yet again. I thought that it was so bad anyway and he hadn't been helping, so what difference does it make? I got this. I was stuck in this verbally abusive marriage for 24 years, dying, and where was he? It wasn't until I hit bottom a second time that I realized that I couldn't do this without him but most importantly that I didn't want to do this without him, that I had no choice but to let go of my ego that said I got this and give it back to him and ask for his help his forgiveness and his mercy on my life.
I have to tell you since I gave my life over to him, I changed my point of view, from I got this, to knowing he's got this. I changed from being self-absorbed to being grateful for all he's done.
That's when things really started to change for me. I always say at the end of all my blogs, be the change you want to see, you have to be willing and open to say, I have a problem and I need help. You need to say that I don't have this, you need to let go of your ego and say I can't do this. It is only then when you truly surrender, that you will realize that you never really had control in the first place.
Recently I was telling the prince that he needed to stop stressing over things he can't change because it doesn't change anything. It's so true, you're stressing doesn't change the fact that you can't pay your bills, that you can't find a job, that you can't do this or that. It doesn't change that fact of anything, stressing about it just makes you sick, literally makes you sick. It will make your hair fall out, it will make you lose sleep,
it will make you physically sick in your body, it will make you feel like you're going to have a heart attack but it won't change anyting. So then why do we do it? It is the control issue that we struggle with, that ego we all have that we can do this, I got this, I don't need no help but we do, we all do.
We all need to believe in the impossible, we need to believe in something bigger than us, we need to have hope, hear testimonies, be a living testimony for others.
We need to let go of our ego's, we need to totally surrender to him, give him all our fears, our worries, our stress and let him deal with it. Pray and let God worry is one of my favorite sayings because it is true, this is what I do. When my car broke, my computer crashed, when I was having terrible times with my oldest daughter, and I lost half my income all in one week, I laughed, yes, and it wasn't because I was losing my mind. I laughed because there was nothing that I was stressing about, was going to solve anything and so I bowed my head and I prayed.
He took care of it, he took care of me, he worked it out for my good.
There will always be bad times, but how are you dealing with them? Are you complaining?
Are you bitching? Are you not grateful for what you do have now? Are you sitting home blaming everyone else?
Through all the bad storms, I've prayed, I've gave thanks, I was grateful and I had faith, even if sometimes it was that tiny mustard seed faith, I held on to that.
So today my friends, give it to God, I know it looks bad, the doctors report, losing your job, problems with your family, people taking advantage of you, depression, low self esteem. Your world seems to be crumbling around you, trust me, I've been there, I know your pain but weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning. So I'll leave you with my mom's favorite saying "This too shall pass"
When things are really good, when your on the top of the world remember "This too shall pass" and when you hit rock bottom, when the storms are coming at you and you feel like you are drowning, remember "This too shall pass"
After the storms, the sun always shines...
Don't give up, hold on, trust and believe that God has you.
"Be the change you want to see"
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"
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