Mixed signals

How do you know if the signals you think you are getting are actually the right signals? In today's world people don't know what they want, they have no idea the baggage that they are carrying with them from one relationship to another.

They say one thing yet their actions show another.They are hurt from before and so they are afraid of commitment. They are hot and then cold, so it's no wonder that there are so many confused people out there.

I was speaking to a friend recently and she told me a story and then asked for my advice. 
(Hello! Does she read my blogs? Didn't she know my track record with men?)

Anyway back to the story... she has been friends with a man for years, when all of a sudden there seemed to be a shift in their friendship.
He seemed more attentive, he touched her more when speaking to her. He looked at her with longer eye contact, he started asking her to hang out more often, he started treating her like she was a date more than a friend.

They started to go out more often, they would go dancing together, dinners, and to her.things seemed to be getting hot, there was definitely a chemistry there that wasn't there before between them.

She said it was all the typical signs of a man courting a woman but they were "just" friends, so she was confused. I gave her my two cents (with my track record, it may have been worth half a cent)
I told her to ask him outright what was going on, that way she will know for sure where she stands.

So after yet another hot night of dancing with him she found the courage to ask if there was more between them and was shocked when he quickly said they were " "just"friends.

Could she have been that wrong? All the signs were pointing that way and yes, they had been friends for a while and they hung out a lot but this was different, it seemed like their friendship shifted into the 
"I want more relm"

She says she is more confused than ever because he has done so much for her throughout their friendship and somewhere deep down she was hoping that this might turn into something more.

When she came back to tell me what happened and ask my opinion again, I was as confused as she was.
I've been there with a man who was hot then cold, in then out, the chemistry between us was off the charts but yet he wouldn't step up. When I finally could not take it anymore, I asked where I stood and he also said just friends, which was fine but to me there had to be a clear line, there had to be boundaries between us then. There was to be no touching, no snide comments about dating others, no sexual comments, there had to be a clear friendship line so I knew where I stood. When he couldn't keep those boundaries, I stopped talking to him. He then went on to blowing up my phone, lots of text messages and Facebook messages asking me why I would not talk to him..

Boundaries....there has to be boundaries if you just want to be friends. I don't flirt with my friends, I don't dirty dance with my friends, I don't let them cross that line with sly comments.
I say to them, upfront that we are friends and we will always be just friends, so please understand that. 
I don't play games or give off mixed signals unless I want it to go somewhere else from the start.

Look we are grown ass people now, so stop playing the games like we played back when we were in high school. Step up or step out, it's as simple as that.

I know I can't figure men out, I have a bad picker, so I am no one to give advice but my advice if you obviously have no one else to give you any, is be honest, ask straight away, and if you can't take the answer they give you then set up boundaries, clear boundaries you both agree to. Otherwise you need to step out if it's too much for you to handle or your feelings are already to deep.

Life is too short to play games, to sit around and wonder..
What if…
Maybe..
Maybe not ....
Please! Who has time for this shit? We have jobs and kids and responsibilities, I don't have time for games so please say what you want or what you're looking for in the long run, upfront.

Men, don't say on your dating profile your looking for a long term relationship and then text a woman something sexual. Your lying, just be real... just say that you want to hook up from the get go.

Women don't say you want casual then get upset when he dates others, be honest and say that your looking for a serious relationship.
Say what you mean and mean what you say people!!

So today my friends, remember to be clear, people can't read minds. Don't put off signals to confuse others and if your unsure for f***s sake say it.
"Hey, I like you but I am not sure where this is going or I like you but I am not over my last relationship or I am not feeling this" but be clear and be honest and for God's sake don't give off mixed signals.

** I know we are coming into a tough time of year so I will be putting this number out there for all that needs it...I have been there and I know how dark it may seem, especially during the holiday season, but there is help out there and I promise it will get better...I am living proof of "This too shall pass"**
Please get help, call today:
National Suicide Hotline: 24/7
1-800-273-8255

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