F%!k 2018

The year I finally figured out what was wrong with my health and battled to survive.

Trying to work during the California wildfires.

This is pretty much the sequence of events that took place in 2018 for me. I cannot say this was a good year by any stretch of the imagination:

  • Kaiser refused to test or treat me.
  • Stopped paying for health insurance.
  • Grandfather drugged against his will with opiates and psych meds by his nursing home and idiot doctors until he stopped eating and died. RIP.
  • Shortly after his death my immune system failed and I nearly died of sepsis.
  • I got kicked out of a wedding on a public beach for bringing my 15lbs ESA dog just a month after I nearly died.
  • Paid for my own Lyme disease test, tested positive.
  • Diagnosed with Lyme, and Bartonella and possibly Babesia from Lyme literate doctors I had to pay for out of pocket. Might also being dealing with toxoplasmosis but don’t have the money to properly test for it right now.
  • Had to start buying drugs from India to stay alive. US pharmacies charge $5 per pill for the medication that saved my life, it is only $0.27 per pill overseas.
  • Girlfriend started presenting with my symptoms. Likely sexually transmitted. Now requiring treatment as well, can’t have kids until we’re both cured. If we can even be cured is unknown.
  • Had to cash out my investments and savings to cover our medical care.
  • Spending over a thousand dollars per month on treatments, medical care, drugs, herbs, and supplements. All of which health insurance would have refused to cover as they refused to even test me, and refuse to recognize and treat chronic Lyme disease.
  • Began chelating for mercury and aluminum poisoning after testing positive for heavy metal poisoning.
  • Despite everything worked 9 different jobs or contracts, interviewed nearly 70 people on my podcasts.
  • Three former business partners screwed me over. One of them ended up in jail temporarily for an unrelated issue. Another still on the run from business dealings I wasn’t involved with.
  • Published a 4 chapter series on my health issues.
  • Lyme disease trending towards remission, but not cured or out of the woods yet.
  • Gained 12lbs after fixing digestive issues. I was malnourished, so this was actually a good thing.
  • Still battling Bartonella and chronic prostatitis.
  • Future ability to have children, start a family, and progress my career currently unknown.

Not entirely sure how I survived 2018. I would say it was the worst year of my life, but I still consider 2008 somehow worse. 2008 was the year I got laid off twice from two dream jobs, ex-girlfriend tried to kill herself after hooking up with my best friend, got in a car accident, and my Mom’s best friend was murdered. Then again, I guess almost dying myself, and the loss of my grandfather due to the negligence of our health care system is pretty bad as well.

Seriously, fuck 2018. Fuck the US medical system, and fuck everyone who has tried to take advantage of me while I’ve been sick.

If I have to read anyone else’s list of all the good things that happened to them in 2018 I think I’m going to puke. I’m all for people being grateful, but not everyone had a good year. I got kicked to the curb by the US medical system, taken advantage of by several business partners, and lost my savings fighting to stay alive.

I am entering 2019 wounded with zero certainty for the future.

Despite everything I am still fighting for my health, I haven’t lost hope, and I am trying to figure out how to take everything I’ve learned this past year and use it to help others. The only thing I am grateful for is the few people who haven’t given up on me, but unfortunately that number can be counted with just two hands.

I honestly have no clue what’s going to happen in 2019, I am hopeful I can continue to get better, continue to do my podcast, and make enough money to continue medical treatments and maybe even get some kind of insurance again but at the moment of writing this I have no idea what the future holds for me.

Peace out 2018. You hurt everyone I love.