Overindulging
Drugs, TV, Videogames, Food… what drives me to overindulge?
While journaling, I realized I wanted to blog instead…
Just like I explored my stories with work, which led to me resigning, I would like to explore my stories with weed, and see where that awareness takes me.
I had quite the fitting thought
The “fitting thought” was that I think I need to feel well, to a certain degree. I think it’s a need, because when I don’t feel well, I turn to coping strategies which are often excessive and somewhat harmful.
One of those coping strategies is weed. I think I overuse weed. I think I over-lean on this crutch, because it typically feels good.
I also do other things that feel good, including playing videogames, watching tv shows, and eating for pleasure.
What if we need to feel good, and that’s why we do these things? One way or another, whether consciously or not, isn’t it plausible that we’re all ust seeking out ways to feel better?
Oversimplification?
For along time now, I have believed that human drives, including those of love and meaning, are motivated through felt experience — through feelings. I’ve believed ultimately we all just want to feel good.
I feel ashamed to think that I am driven to feel well. I also feel afraid out in the world thinking about others being driven by their feelings. Not only that, but I find myself overindulging, and I feel ashamed that I overindulge.
I wonder if boiling all action down to one ultimate driving force has lead to overindulging to some degree. Weed “feels good,” and if I boil all that is “good” down to feelings, I can see how overindulging in simplistic activities that “feel good” is in alignment with that value system. Said differently, I put “feeling good” at the root of my hierarchy of needs, I may tend to lean into immediate gratifications more often.
I’m not saying how I feel doesn’t drive me. I want to feel okay…intrinsically — perhaps deeply in my DNA I am driven to feel well.
I came to this conclusion by integrating many experiences, and I see others motivated by their feelings as well. However, perhaps labeling “feeling okay” as the “ultimate” driving force is an oversimplification. Perhaps this perspective can use some reframing.
This or That? Both.
What if feeling okay is just one of my needs?
If I looked at feeling good as one of my needs, what other needs might I identify? Said another way: how could it help me to feel better if I identified more needs other than “feeling good”?
Two new ways to look at “feeling well” (#1 is my typical perspective):
- Pain and pleasure, feeling well, is ultimately what drives all of us
- One of the human needs is to feel well
- The feelings we experience occur as a result of our needs being met at specific degrees. We feel differently when our needs are met at different degrees.
Imagining a Cycle
While #2 is also interesting to me, I don’t know how I would identify other needs if “feelings” are depicted as just one need. However #3 is very interesting and fitting, perhaps a way to expand from #1 without contradicting it.
I’d love to consider what my needs might be in this sort of model…
I don’t think weed is a need, nor playing videogames, watching TV, nor consuming food for pleasure… but I do think these are palliative. Like a a pain killer, they can hide the discomfort for a while, and even bring us a sense of hope that feeling good is accessible. However when overused we build tolerance, and we even end up causing ourselves to physically degrade (and feel bad) due to how much we use them.
I think I need to breathe consistently, and not hold my breath for such long periods on the day... I think I need exercise, and I need sleep…
I think I have some needs around authenticity, interpersonal connection, mastery, impact, helping… I’d like to reflect on those more. For now, I think I need some breathing and some rest. I’m going to lay down.
I’m curious what you think, and what you would change? There are likely many other ways to validly depict the interaction of needs, feelings, beliefs, and actions. And there are likely many other terms/concepts that could come into play, or replace some of these.
