Dyspraxia

Photo by Icons8 Team on Unsplash

I remember my schoolteacher

saying “even my daughter isn’t this thick”

turns out that I was nine years old

and I was just dyspraxic

that it took me a bit longer just to process in my mind

sat on information simmering in brine

even now, the fact I’m 25 and take longer to do some things

than everyone else still feels offensive

because we live in a world where everything is fast

and even to find the words when I’m being asked

the most basic of questions, I stumble into silence

to get the words out is still a task wrapped in violence

my mind to mouth stammer — a glitch — the slight pauses

that felt like thousands of race horses

charging at this nine-year-old boy, scared stock still

living with a disability that I guess is invisible

something that impacts preparing meals and getting dressed

and even though I learned to play chess

it impeded my ability to grasp small objects

deal with emotions and function in social situations

I remember as a teen going to the train station

by myself for the first time, and it shouldn’t be a big deal

but dyspraxia impacts time management and organisation skills

Photo by Rahul Pabolu on Unsplash

so I used to not make plans with those I wanted to be friends

out of fear that my dyspraxia would scare and offend

like I didn’t want it to become a thing

as it can also be pain, heartache and mental suffering

more than anybody knows, even my parents

on some days, I am still that scared boy in year five

thinking why his teacher wrote him off as stupid

why it took me longer to be at the same level as my classmates

in afternoons of cricket, tea and school fetes

into my routine, dyspraxia is built

and my walks with Maria, music that’s alive in the hills

I still feel embarrassed… sometimes

because this world is so fast and so loud

would be nice if it was quiet for a day.

or if I could just sit drifting with the clouds.

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Tre Ventour Poetry

Tre Ventour Poetry

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Neurodivergent Poet | Articles @treventour1995 | BA Creative Writing; MA Race, Education, and Decolonial Thought | #ActuallyAutistic | E: tre@treventour.com