Seriously. It’s going to happen. Stop being afraid. Stop asking for permission. Start living.

Getting My Groove Back

It was an interesting night and a pretty uneventful day today. I feel like I’ve fallen off track with my self improvement focus and have just been ranting about problems lately.

I have made significant progress in the last month, but I need to remain consistent.

Back to Awareness

Over the last few days I’ve been reading a lot less. For some reason the articles that pop up on my feed don’t seem interesting at first glance, and are too dry to get in to. I’m not sure if this is because I think I don’t have anything to learn from them, or if there’s just something weird going on with whatever algorithm Medium uses. I do feel like I’ve taken in enough information for the time being. I know I need to start acting on that information to really grow, but the information is so scattered in my mind. I haven’t really been taking the time to process everything. I’ve been moving from one thing to the next, with very unproductive breaks in between.

Time management is something I really need to focus on in the next 30 days because I’ll be jumping into a lot in the New Year.

The simple solution is to get more detailed with my calendar, actually focus on the things that need my attention and get shit done.

Unfortunately simple does not equal to easy.

There’s some deeper disconnect that is giving me a hard time with focus. I think it has to do with fear. Fear of something big. Fear of change? Fear of changing who I am. I’ve spent years with my “Gamer” self. Now I’m trying to uproot pretty much everything I’ve relied on and rebuild a new foundation. That’s hard.

It’s important here to recognize how far I’ve come. Yes I still play video games. Yeah it’s true I don’t do as much work as I should. I probably don’t put enough effort into the things that I know I should focus on…

But a year ago I was far less in control than I am now. Strangely enough, the winter months tend to be when I struggle with quitting TW2 because it takes up too much time and I’m around family so much. There’s definitely cycles throughout my years of what games I play, the attitude I have towards them. The cycle for December goes something like: Get really into TW2. Spend money on tw2. Feel bad about spending money. Sunk cost fallacy myself into putting 3x the time into the game so I don’t feel like I need to spend money. Massively burn out and get sick of the game. Feel bad about putting so much time into the game. Quit. 3 months later feel bad for leaving my friends on there high and dry.

Writing out the cycle I see a pretty easy solution. I don’t need to be a top 20 player to enjoy the game. I don’t need to spend money or put intense amounts of time into the game to be a top 100 player. I just need to balance out my time, play it like a game not a job, and enjoy a slower pace. Then I won’t quit and move on to a different game (addiction) that I would need to handle differently.

Translation to Everything Else

Ask yourself if you’re happier being in the top 5% or in the top 25%. There’s a great deal of work and effort involved in being the top 5% of something. The top 25% you just need to be smart and consistent.

I’ve played TW2 trying to strive to be a name other players recognize and remember. In the 5 years I’ve played that’s barely happened because I push myself to burning out too fast.

Take a step back, develop skills, be consistent, and have patience. You’ll win everything.

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