Chapter 4

Wow, hey world. I haven’t written in awhile. I’ve been meaning to, I really have, but then I end up at an AA meeting, or going to bed early, or sitting on my front stoop smoking too many cigarettes. Anyway, here’s what has been going on with me lately…

I had some job interviews. I met some overly friendly characters on the bus who were pretty creepy but a little funny. I got a job. I went to a basketball game. I made some friends. Some people right by my house got shot.

I got a job with FedEx Office, and I thought the interview went really well. I was very hopeful, but as someone with a history of low self-esteem, I’ve gotten very good at saying, “It went great!” when I really think, “You are awful, you deserve to work a minimum wage job for the rest of your life.” Alright, that’s exaggerating, but I have always had problems thinking I was lesser than others. I also suffer from a “perfectionism” problem, so while I think lowly of myself, I also expect myself to be the smartest/awesomest/best person out there. So when I accepted the job offer, I felt pretty great.

Oh, also this week, I was diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (that’s a hyperlink, so you can click on it and read up on it). In addition to OCPD, I have generalized anxiety and major depressive disorder. It was interesting to listen to the psychiatrist explain that it’s fairly obvious why I drank with the combination of those three disorders/illnesses. It felt like such a relief. I had been diagnosed with Bipolar II at one point in my life, but apparently I can take that diagnosis out of my bag and get rid of it.

Onto the next topic… I’ve lived in my sober house for a little while now, and I really like it. I feel like the women here are very level-headed and respectful. On two occasions since I’ve been here, people have relapsed. So that’s why I’m awake at 1 in the morning… because I had to pack up my roommates stuff and haul it into the garage. So, looks like I’ll be getting another roommate *eye roll*.

This could have been a lot better, but I’m practically falling asleep at the table. aiusfghjkasfbasriyuehwifbjkn cmsdhfosjfhalkfjma.

Night, ya’ll.