What I learned from writing these two simple things every day

Life is just a dope series of patterns.

I can commit to pretty much nothing long term, but can make myself do (or not do) pretty much anything for a month. So, I’m a huge fan of monthly challenges as a way to try on a lifestyle that seems out of reach. I’ve walked 15K/day for a month, not eaten sugar or carbs for a month, done yoga every day for a month, drank a gallon of water daily for a month, and I’m currently trying out this intermittent fasting thing for the month. Some have stuck, most have not, all have been interesting in one way or another.

So, to kick off 2020, I wanted a monthly challenge that would be a small time commitment, but hopefully give some direction for the new decade. I decided to write two things every day for the entire month:

1. Why life is dope
2. What I could do better

There was only one rule: no repeats. For example, I have been eating a frozen banana covered in chocolate daily for the last month, but it only counts for the dope list once.

As I was scribbling down thoughts each day (and by scribbling, I mean adding to my nicely formatted google sheet), I was thinking to myself, “what a random list of shit this is turning out to be.” Most days were pretty vanilla, but there were also days when something notable happened. And as time passed, these two simple questions began to spur more thoughts and reflection than just a quick note.

What I learned from doing this:

We notice most what we think about most.

I became subconsciously haunted by the need to notice one dope thing and one thing I could have done better daily. Tiny things would happen — like receiving a sweet text from my partner or someone giving me a free mezcal taste — and I’d think to myself, “wow, this is a dope thing of the day! YAY!” Similarly, I’d cut someone off in a conversation or get frustrated, and immediately the thought would trigger, “Well, I could have done better there.”

These thoughts caused me to realize a very obvious thing (that was not previously obvious to me) — by focusing on dope things and being better, I focused on dope things and being better.

All days are not created equal, but there’s always dope things to smile about.

Some of the dope things on my list are what I consider VERY DOPE, for example:

• I got a new tattoo from one of my best friends on the couch at my NYE party, surrounded by my best friends from every stage of life. (Check it out in this article)
• The most talented chef I know left me fresh baked banana bread on the hood of my car to cure my hangover after a night of too much mezcal.
• I sat in a natural pool and stared out in the mountains of Oaxaca at golden hour.

In the spirit of transparency, there were a lot of other people here. It was just really cold, so no one else was getting in the water.

• I caught multiple green waves surfing this morning for the first time everrrr
• I moved into an apartment on Lake Atitlan with this view for three weeks.

This is the view from the front porch, and I feel guilty every time I look away from it.

And some of the dope things are slightly less glamorous:

• I ate a good cinnamon roll.
• David (my partner) played the categories game with me.
• I took a shit after being super Imodium-constipated.

So, while I can’t get a fresh new tattoo, catch my first green wave, and climb into the mountains of Oaxaca every day, I can enjoy the dopeness of life every. single. damn. day.

Dope moments often come from an action orient.

Because I take these monthly challenges too seriously, I started to notice my behavior was changing. I was feeling slightly wishy washy and slightly hungover about having one of my best friends tattoo me, and then thought to myself, “well, this would be a clear dope thing of the day. Let’s do it.” One morning, I was moments from succumbing to the need to snooze six more times, and then I would remember that I could achieve my “dope thing” for the day by getting up to watch sunrise from the hammock on the porch. While some dope things fell into my lap, many happened because I put a tiny bit of effort in. Often times I find myself waiting for something great to happen, but I’ve learned that dope things are often the result of action, not the cause of it.

What I learned from reading my answers afterwards:

Even abundantly clear patterns can be hard to observe as the protagonist and the observer.

As I was writing, it felt like every day was a random, different, unrelated bullet point. When I went back and read over all of the entries at once, there were obvious patterns and categories. And being who I am, I went so far as to tag my responses by category, apply COUNTIF formulas in my google sheet, and publish the percentages below.

Why Life is Dope (in summary)

• My people are the fucking best = 46% (Example: Got invited to a dinner with my old company, and saw so many epic people with so much love)
• I’m grateful for my lifestyle = 25% (Example: The airport I landed at today had a dope ass ocean view that I’ll be living next to for the next two weeks)
• Achieving goals = 18% (Example: I published my first ever Medium article, and people didn’t hate it.)
• Not being constipated = 11% (Sorry about this, but at least I’m not embellishing, right? And please note: I spent this month in Mexico and Guatemala heavily involved with the street food + Imodium cocktail)

As someone who can struggle to articulate my priorities, I was surprised to see them laid out so obviously from this exercise.

Our lives are simply the sum of a shit ton of tiny micro-moments, with an emphasis on the ones we choose to remember.

Looking at my January from a high level, I didn’t achieve any of society’s “big moments.” I didn’t start or end a relationship, get a promotion or raise, buy a new house, get pregnant or have a child, do something spectacular at work, lose a bunch of weight, etc. But those things don’t happen in the vast majority of months of life. Life passes in the in between moments, when we’re drinking mezcal with our friends, sweating our asses off on a bus without AC, or eating breakfast. And as I just went back and read the list again to get inspo’d to write this article, I realized how many of the dope moments I had fully forgotten. This spreadsheet has reminded me that life is really just the compilation of tiny, dope moments and our memories of them.

What I learned from my patterns:

Reading the “do better” column wasn’t the most fun activity of my week, but it was a good way to rip the bandaid off and point me in a direction of focus on my journey of self-improvement.

What I could do better (in summary)

• Be epic, regardless = 39% (Example: Respond to frustration of others with compassion, not my own frustration about their “unnecessary” frustration AKA don’t be frustrated, especially in frustrating situations)
• Just be & be nice = 36% (Example: Replace nervousness and trying to impress new people with kindness, good vibes, and smiling)
• Cultivate the right habits = 25% (Example: Not have eaten a bag of Doritos while watching 2 hours of 90 Day Finance at the airport)

It’s easy to be great when everything is going great. Great people are the ones who are epic when everything is not great.

One of my guiding beliefs about what makes a great person/employee/life/team/etc is that he/she/them/it treats challenges as opportunities. I’m having an interesting self awareness moment as I realize that my top category of how I can do better is exactly the same as living up to this guiding belief. It’s surely easier said than done, but this month has reminded me that being dope when things are tough is my best route to being a dope human.

Just replace all the bullshit with being nice.

I’d consider myself an extrovert and a generally chill person, but I’m far from immune to the overthinking epidemic. This list has made me realize that life would be better and I would be better if I replaced about 100 different emotions/feelings with just being and being nice.

In conclusion

If you’re still reading, thanks for participating in the public therapy session that started to occur at some point through this article. I hate to end on an anticlimactic note, but to be completely honest, I’m still not sure what makes life dope and how I should do better. But, I do feel a tiny bit closer to on the right track. And to get that from two minutes per day for a month, I’ll consider it a success. So, wish me luck with this intermittent fasting thing for the rest of this month, and if you’re feeling lost or stuck, try asking yourself these two simple questions: why is your life dope, and what could you do better?

Edit: here’s a template you can use if you want to give this a go. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Smb6hk54Ek5-aymGCXLgXc_Fdm1ITmmgLDaPHeZDm4Q/edit#gid=1280187076