Govt. might impose tax on Cash Withdrawals — What does it mean for the Mango people

Mohammad bin Modi’s rationalization hamster in action — yet another master stroke from the dictator, surgical strike on citizens’ pockets, this time. Demonetization was a great show, people talked about it for a good amount of time and to keep us busy again Mudi invented another story — taxation on cash withdrawal.

Heard the dictator wants to sneak some cash under the hood during the Rafale jet deal, just like his predecessor RaGa (not Rahul, but his papa, Sri Rajiv Gand-hi) did during Bofors. And perhaps, as surveyed by the rat, he may exceed what RaGa’s mumma Smt. Indira Ghandy accomplished by imposing state wide emergencies to extract all black money.

Neither he, nor RSS chaddis, nor his astrologer, nor Ram ‘D’ev baba, nor RBI will do the cost-benefit analysis. At least they din’t do last time. So, I as a citizen will do it for ’em fools instead.

Pros:

  • will discourage cash withdrawal — digital payments saw nearly 300–400% adoption in the last 2 months, hence, this move will strengthen the adoption further.
  • cuts the cost from cash printing and distribution — India is among the nations where distribution of cash is costliest in the world. Internet would be cheaper than trucks when it comes to volumes.
  • nearly 230 million families can mobilize digital payment — That comes from the data which says almost 2/3rd Indian families have access to at least 1 smart phone in their family. So, they can adopt digitization sooner or later.
  • people already present online will admire it — just like they admired last time during demonetization, they’ll praise this move. Because according to them, Indian population size is in between 50,000,000–100,000,000 (5Cr to 10Cr). This was extracted from Google play about the total no. of installations of the Paytm app.
  • more issues of RW magazines (full of fake click bait) like swarajya magazine & frustrated indian will get sold ONLINE (because offline is shit, digital content is fucking lit)
  • will help keep track, may encourage saving — keeping big stashes of cash is called hoarding, under digital payments it’ll get a new name called ‘saving’

Cons:

  • privacy — now, the govt. and your bank can keep track of every expenditure you make, be it lingerie, bra or panties for your wife, or condoms, or pills, or gifts for your girl friend, and they can keep track of the data which can reveal if you’re cheating on your spouse. And since it’ll be all linked to Aadhar card, they’ll have your biometric information too. Gradually, this will turn India into communist China, and our neighbors will win without making an invasion. Sanghis will argue that they’re already buying chaddis online, what’s there to fear, and Aadhar card can’t reveal if you have pile or gonorrhea, then what’s there to hide. Well, then consider this following line, if it changes your mind.
Edward Snowden: “Arguing that you don’t care about the right to privacy because you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don’t care about free speech because you have nothing to say.” … “When you say, ‘I have nothing to hide,’ you’re saying, ‘I don’t care about this right.’ You’re saying, ‘I don’t have this right, because I’ve got to the point where I have to justify it.’ The way rights work is, the government has to justify its intrusion into your rights.”
  • friction — change invites friction, first they’ll shout at you, then criticize you, and then eventually they’ll get used to it. But this change is going to take months, if not years until it reaches equilibrium, unless something surprising really takes place
  • apathy of the online masses — just like during the last grand attempt a.k.a. demonetization fiasco, the online masses praised their lord while totally turning deaf ears to hear pleas and cries of the general masses face, they’ll do it again to prove that they’re right.
  • illiteracy — wise people teach their parents first, how to use the remote control and how to use child lock on it (so that their grand children can’t view propaganda news), and later throw platitudes on the hariyali that digital payment will bring in
  • stigma about digital payment security — we saw some noteworthy episodes of ATM card failures from big banks e.g. SBI where some malware wrecked havoc & cards were disabled without any intimation to the user. Wondering, how the masses will react to it.
  • phishing — it will take a lot of time to educate people on this, although, TV can be used to expedite the process, just like they did with ‘set top box lagana anivarya hai
  • nearly 100 million families can’t mobilize digital payment yet — either they can’t afford it, or they need more time, or they need Freedom 251 to be delivered to their doorsteps.
  • most commodities and traders are not online yet — I see no reason why the poha wala in front of Dadar station needs to be online, I mean, 2G Vodafone (sold as 4G) takes an epoch to show a [G] on the phone and by that time poha will be cold. What? You said card? Oh, Bangalore petrol bunks don’t accept cards, Fuel surcharge & shit. Read that store & come back to continue.
  • corruption — this move doesn’t address the bigger problems of corruption at administrative levels. Even if the digital payment increases the tax accountability of small traders and mobilizes the unorganized sector, there is no sign what the govt. will do with the surplus tax. Will it get wasted in scams again? The biggest known scams and corruptions never happened on cash, to date. It’s not hard to understand and perhaps only a low IQ a.k.a. RW|sanghi will fall for it.
  • BJP is a history sheeter now — Demonetization was a failure.
  • NPA — NPA means ‘no problem aye’ for Mohd. Bin Modi. Banks declared 400 NPAs after demonetization. Hope they will declare more NPAs afterwards and the likes of Mallya will be allowed to leave & live lavishly overseas. All this while you kept thinking ‘bank wale hero hain’ but all the bankers (a.k.a. white collar dacoits) did was save their arse and kept delivering you good service just to ensure their quota for basis points gets filled.

Magic facts that’ll blow your mind:

  • nearly 80% of transactions on eCommerce sites like Flipkart are on COD
  • after watching souchalaya ads, people in UP took assistance money from the govt. and built toilets, but later felt the idea of defecating in a closed confinement was suffocating, and started their daily jaunts to the khet & maidan to get a breathful of fresh air while pooping.
  • Bharat has more mobiles than toilets, but our priority is digital payment. I remember someone said pehle souchalaya, fir devalaya, but never mind. Indians have memory issues (Is that because of malnutrition? Nah, it must be Mc Donald’s junk food. Will tweet Ram ‘D’ baba to find a cure for this)
  • there are 2 nations so far which implemented this magic formular and that worked out great
  • (a) Greece — which went bankrupt
  • (b) Pakistan — __________ (fill in the blanks, 5 marks)

Chutiyaps:

TBH, these are Ghanghor Chutiyaps

  • Political parties are still out of the purview of RTI — And all donations up to 20k are opaque. There are about 2000 political parties already registered on Indian Election Commission list. If you don’t own one, then go register for one. After that you can deposit all of your questionable earnings in chunks, 19.95k at a time to your digital bank account a.k.a. party fund.
  • Loopholes — Money can still be NEFTed to non-profits in terms of big sized donations & later utilized to make grand palaces just like Putin does with his health care non-profit. First Putin asks a big company to donate to his non-profit, where he holds 80% or so, and companies get tax breaks too. Then, that non-profit will buy healthcare equipments at very high prices where the margins are usually 50%-70%. That extra margin is meant for consumption by oligarchs under the hood.
  • No action against Swiss Cheese and Panama cake — No wonder why Big B appreciated the move because his cakes were not in the form of cash but in the form of securities of non-existent companies traded internationally over an ever appreciating dollar currency.

Declaration

I fucking don’t have a political inclination. Here is my middle finger to RaGa.

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