The Subtle Positivity of “NO”

NO is a word in our English language that in my opinion holds an unfair negative connotation. People generally associate NO with something that they either cannot have, or something that they cannot do. While this can be the case most of the time, there can be a positive power in the word NO. In this article we will explore the ways that NO can be used in both personal and professional life, and my hope is that you can take something with you as a tool for a better and more productive life.

I am a father of three children under the age of 8, and NO is a word used in far too often in my household…There are many reasons for the constant NO in my home. “NO you can’t buy that, NO you can’t eat that, NO you can’t spend the night at a friends house on a school night.” My personal favorite for this summer; “NO, you can’t go to the pool right now, its thunder storming outside.” If we really stop to think about it, the word NO is engrained into us as young children. In fact, the primary goal of parenting is to ensure that children know right from wrong, and that they learn to accept that they can not always get what they want in life. Children do not have the mental development to make good decisions, regardless of what the movie “Yes Day” may portray. As a child, we always took NO as a negative, and I believe that many of us as adults still hold on to this childish way of interpreting the word. If you are a parent saying NO to a child, embrace it, that's your job. Stop feeling guilty for guiding your children in the right direction. Have you ever heard the saying “Its their world and we just live in it?” That type of person thrives off of the YES in life, and can’t handle the NO. Don’t be that person.

Several years back I was involved in a company sponsored leadership seminar. The seminar lasted 1 week, and there were multiple breakout sessions and local keynote speakers. By the third day I was ready for it to end. Towards the end of the third day the CFO gave a presentation on something that he called “Personal Effectiveness.” His opening line was “It is ok to tell people at work NO.” For some reason this sentence leapt out at me, and for the remainder of his 1 hour session I was fully attentive and engaged. The key takeaways from this were simple yet practically profound. Since then, I have had a keen focus on how to put some of these principals into professional use.

1. It is ok to say NO to a meeting. This may not apply to every meeting that you are requested to attend, but it will definitely apply at times. I couldn't tell you how many pointless meetings that I sat through just to be an attendee. Was the meeting scheduled by my manager, was there my input needed, and were there deliverables or actions required from me as a result of the meting. If the answer to the previous sentence is NO, then I really do not need to attend that meeting. Now lets expand on the opening sentence. It is ok to say no to a meeting, but this forfeits your opinion of the actions created as a result of the meeting. Meaning that if you choose to say NO to a meeting, do not come in after the meeting and voice your opinion about how things should be different. There are of course exceptions (Safety, Business Continuity, etc.), but these would be exceptions and not the normal. Saying NO to a meeting should be normal and acceptable in todays workplace. In addition, saying NO to a meeting that is not relevant should be encouraged and embraced as a positive and effective use of time.
2. It is ok to say NO to a request at work. The more bandwidth that a person has, the more colleagues will want to involve this person. People tend to align themselves with colleagues who get results! If you are a person who gets pulled into every little project or problem, then you have a problem saying NO. Take it as a compliment, people want your input and skill set to help solve their problems. You must remember, your company hired you for a specific purpose in your role, and although it is the nature of most people to want to help others who are in need, you will have to learn the art of NO.
3. It is ok to say NO to family. If I am being honest with myself, this is the one that I struggle with the most. This does not mean that you have the liberty to say to no to what your spouse needs, but rather it is ok to tell your parents and siblings NO. The mother guilt, not wanting to let your family down, wanting to be involved in each others life…The list goes on and on. Just remember that every time you say YES to family other than your spouse and kids, you are taking time away from the people who matter the most in life.

Please don’t take these words as an excuse to become a lazy and say NO to everything that matters, but rather a different way to look at how NO can make a positive impact on both your productivity and happiness.

Cheers,

Troy