The more you control your own life, the less you care about other people and how they live theirs
For much of my life I’ve been a messy person. I don’t pick up after myself. My room is usually full of empty cups, my clothes are hanging up on my furniture, and I’ve never been in the habit of making my bed.
Over the years while living on my own I like to think that I’ve marginally improved, but if I’m honest with myself, the word “marginal” would be generous.
Perhaps I pick up after myself more frequently, but the core underlying habits of being a generally messy person are still there. I’ve never developed the mindset of “tidy”. Neat, clean and organized.
I’ve never really had a compelling reason to change. It’s never legitimately harmed me in a negative way, so I’ve never really fixed the habit.
Then one day a friend of mine walked into my room. I like to call him “Mr. Miyagi” or “my personal Buddha”, because he’s a black-belt in Jiu Jitsu and has a subtle way of dropping bombs of truth on you in one-three words.
He comes into my room and simply says “Que bagunça!” (what a mess!), and then starts cleaning for me.
I said “What are you doing, you don’t have to clean!”, and he just shook his head at me and continued to clean.
Something about seeing him cleaning up my mess struck home in a hard way. I vowed to start making a conscious effort to start cleaning up after myself from that day forwards.
And I have. Since that day around ±2 months ago, I’ve been significantly cleaner.
But the moral of this story isn’t clean your room, it got deeper from here.
A few weeks after this incident I took some Psilocybin mushrooms with my friends and went hiking to a waterfall.
While sitting in meditation, the word “bagunça” popped up into my mind. I started thinking about how messy I am…but not just in the cleaning up after myself sense.
I thought of myself as messy with my energy. Messy in the way that I throw it around, throw it AT people, how I create environments that might be frantic, intense, or uncomfortable for the people around me. How my energy both attracts and repels people.
I thought about my family, and how many of us have this tendency. How we throw our energy at other people regardless of how it makes those other people feel. This lack of “energetic empathy.”
It made me realize that in the same way I need to be clean with my room, I need to be clean with my energy. I need to be conscious of the environment I create for the people around me. I need to be aware of how my energy makes other people feel, and tone my intensity down accordingly when needed.
I now like to look at myself as a fully charged battery. All of the energy is stored up, all of the energy could be let out in a moment, but it is managed and harnessed for the RIGHT moment, the RIGHT occasion.
To be deliberate with my energy. Intentional in the way that I use it. Intentional in the way I make other people feel. Gentle in my ability to flip it on, or more importantly OFF, at a moment’s notice. To learn how to clean up my energy afterwards when I got the place messy.
Moods are Like Diseases — They want to Spread
This also got me thinking about the collective energy of everyone we interact with. The energies that we create and receive from one another.
Whether we like it or not, we’re all sending and receiving frequencies of energy from each other when we interact with each other.
This is why some people can pump you up. Others can leave you drained. Some can leave you sad or angry. Others can leave you happy and calm.
Our moods influence each other. We all have an affect on one another based on the energy we bring to the table in a given interaction.
We can call it the “vibe” of a place or situation, but it’s something we have all felt.
Moods are like diseases. All they want to do is spread. All they want to do is infect another person with the same feeling.
Oftentimes one person’s mood can dictate everyone’s. If someone is very happy, it will infect others, leading to laughter, dancing and fun for all.
If one person is angry, it can infect everyone, get everyone down and depressed, and ruin the collective energy for everyone.
In all of these situations, we have a choice of what OUR energy looks like. We can control the energy that we bring to the table.
You can play your part to create a positive experience for the people around you.
We can also bring out the energy in others. We can help to create the energies to counteract whatever “bad vibes” might be around. Steal back the vibe and cultivate it to your liking.
Also keep in mind also that a positive experience for you isn’t necessarily a positive experience for everyone else. My favorite example of this is that if you ask two people who had a conversation about how much fun they had, the person who spoke the most will usually rate having the best time. But the people who were forced to listen? They report having a bad time.
Creating a positive experience means getting everyone involved. Putting your own needs aside so that everyone can feel comfortable and included. Curbing back or intensifying your own energy to bring out that of the group.
Be Conscious of What you Allow In
Lastly, whether we like it or not, we are all sponges. We soak in the energies that we are surrounded with on a daily basis.
“You are the result of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”
The people you spend time with, and the energy that they have, WILL rub off on you, whether you like it or not.
If you’re around a bunch of anxious stressed out people, you will most likely become a stressed out anxious person. If you’re around people who talk about gratitude all day, you will probably become a more grateful person.
Be deliberate in who you spend time with. The energy that these people have. How they treat you. How they talk to you. How they talk to themselves and others.
You’ll also begin to see that the more you control your own energy, mood, and life, the less you will care about how other people live their lives. The more you can control your own energy, the less other people can affect you.
Use your decisions and personal power to control your environment as much as possible, and when you aren’t able to control the situation/ circumstance you still have the power to choose how you respond in that situation.
Surround yourself with people who make you feel good. Who give you positive feelings. Who make you feel comfortable, warm, fuzzy, motivated, inspired, challenged. Surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you, because this is what helps all of us bring out the best in each other.
Originally published at Troy Erstling.
Other articles you will enjoy from me:
How to pull yourself back to shores of presence when lost at seamedium.com