The Pseudo Wreck

All words in italics are used to denote the character speaking to self.

The difference is, you are a coward, and I am a psycho’ her words echoed in his ears.

Chapter One

Her open hair did a little dance in the wind. So did her plaid jacket. She smiled to herself and zipped up the jacket. She brought her hair to seat them on one side of her shoulder. But the spirited wind blew at them, sending them off in all directions. She couldn’t care less. She wanted to eat. Soft, spicy veg momos with hot garlic sauce. She couldn’t remember the last time she wanted to eat. Just eat. She found it sensuous- the desire for food. It was making her want more, of the same. The invisible smell and tanginess of the non existing hot sauce made her salivate. It was a new and different feeling. But most of the restaurants and supermarkets were closed because of the Traders’ strike protesting the rise in oil prices. After thirty minutes of walking around, she found just one tiny store open at the end of the road she was on. Among edibles, it had just white bread and eggs. So bread and eggs it was.

‘Good ol’ sandwiches for the soul’ she thought to herself as she paid for them. The store owner was an old man and looked weary. She asked him to keep the change of twenty bucks. It is amusing how gracious a happy mind can be.

The winds warned of a heavy rain about to occur. It triggered a memory.

‘I don’t want it. You take it’ Her mother shoved her four year old body to her father and the latter caught her like she was a wayward football.

‘Why are you giving it to me? You keep it.’ shouted her father.

‘Why should I? Your mother wanted one. So you keep it’ she bellowed back.

Rhea shushed her mind loudly. It is one thing to call a child ‘it’ during a regular CT scan on a pregnant woman. But a totally different thing to keep referring to the child as ‘it’ even when ‘it’ has turned four and it is not against the law to refer to the child by gender or name.

The wind howled and the sky grew darker. Even though it was just five in the evening, it looked like night had fallen. But, everything seemed calm. In the twilight, she saw a hooded figure at a distance, sitting on the sidewalk. The figure was looking in her direction. It got up and walked towards her. The silhouette got bigger and broader as it approached her. Her nerves started to feel uncomfortable.

May be he is just passing me. This is a public road.

With the same speed that the figure inched closer, it passed her and she breathed a silent sigh of relief.

Silly Rhea! The thunder crackled. Her unsitting nerves made her miss the lightning that came before it. She chuckled guardedly. There came another bout of thunder. Suddenly, she found a hand clamp shut over her mouth, and another across her chest, limiting movement of her arms.

The polythene cover containing the edibles had been let go, and she struggled to make sense of the situation. She squinted her eyes and saw a piece of folded cloth over her nose. She began to panic.

Am I being kidnapped? For ransom? For rape? The thought of possible rape sickened her.

She fought hard, kicking the air with muffled screams, trying to get out of the powerful grasp. After a few minutes, she felt lightheaded, and passed out.

A few days ago

‘If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?’ The voice behind her sounded familiar. Her eyes switched from being motionless staring at the same spot on the ground to unpleasant surprise. She turned to confirm her suspicions. It was David, a tall, young man with dark brown eyes- almost black if one looks closely and spiky black hair that fell playfully over his eyes. He was a final year student majoring in Philosophy in Kinderman Institute of Arts and Sciences.

‘Would you?’ he asked again. This time inching close enough that she could smell his minty breath.

‘I ttt-told you I’m not interested’ she stammered, seeming very conscious of her body. She tightened her grip on the piece of chalk that she used to write the scores on the scoreboard.

Then he said something else. But it was drowned in the crowd gasping in disappointment as a player missed a basket. There was an intercollegiate Basketball match and Rhea Nolano was assigned the duty of writing the points on the scoreboard. As expected, the crowd was enthusiastic since Bateley University had a long standing rivalry with Kinderman Institute of Arts and Sciences in Basketball.

The piece of chalk in her hand buckled under the pressure and snapped in two. The movement made her frigid for a moment and she looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Nobody did. They had their eyes glued to a player boxing out another, trying to score a one pointer.

‘So.. I’ll meet you at five?’

‘No’, she said. She didn’t care what he said earlier. For her, he was trouble. She turned to watch the game, trying to distract herself from his needling gaze.

‘Come awnnn..’ he pleaded, though it sounded like an order. ‘It’s my birthday’ he continued, hoping she would relent.

The crowd cheered as a forward from home team scored a three pointer. She immediately wiped the score from the blackboard and wrote the new score, twenty three.

‘Aahh… my lucky number.’ he exclaimed.

‘Not today’ she responded. As the game time drew to a close, the audience shouted slogans of ‘Bateleyyy (pause) Bateley (clap clap clap) and ‘We are the Bateleys, mighty mighty Bateleys’. The students from Kinderman encouraged their players too, but their enthusiasm was destroyed by the humongous roaring from the home audience. It was needless to say that they were greatly outnumbered. All this for Rhea was just noise. Given a choice she would be a hundred feet away from the source, but it would cost her twenty credits that semester. Saying no would be absurd. In a few minutes, the game got over. The home team had won by a point and the crowd broke into a thunderous applause and loud cries of victory. Rhea covered her ears with her hands, shielding them from the unpleasant sound, both from the crowd as well as from David.

Grinning embarassedly, David walked away, leaving her at the arena. She could smell the pheromones from him even at a distance. Ugh! It was common for young adults to be in passion, but if something happened… The world did not need another Nolano.

The first time they met was at a coffee shop three months ago. Rhea was at a corner table, sipping tea with her face buried in a book.

‘Can I bring you anything else?’ a friendly voice asked.

‘No thanks’ she replied.

‘Are you sure?’ the voice asked again. This time she looked up and saw a young man with an athletic build, but slender. He smiled brightly. She glanced at the clock behind his head and realised she had been at the coffee shop for forty five minutes and had bought just a cup of tea. Most of the seats were empty at the shop, so she deemed it was okay for her to be there, that long even though she just ordered a single cup of tea. May be it is rude.. May be this fellow won’t leave unless I order something else..

‘A cheese sandwich please’ she said curtly.

‘Right away Ma’am’ he said sounding pleased.

Was I rude? What if he spits in my sandwich as a revenge? She had heard of waiters spitting or farting into people’s food as payback for rude customer behavior.

‘Excuse me?… I’ll take the bill’ she said quickly, shutting her book and thrusting it into her bag. She flung the bag over her shoulder and walked toward the counter. She paid the bill of seventy five rupees and left. She had never visited the store again.

The second time was at a theater. She was in line waiting to buy snacks when a man standing behind her groped her. She turned around to face the perp. But before she could say anything, a guy had sprung out of nowhere and pushed the other fellow. There was a scuffle between the two and people gathered around to watch a show before the show. Others intervened and separated them. Rhea stood away from the commotion, but in the same room, blaming herself. Many a battles had risen because of a woman, and she was amused at the thought of putting herself among the likes of Helen of Troy and Draupadi and Princess Bilqees Bhaghi among others. The difference being that at least one of the perpetrators were related to the women. And the women were all beautiful.

When the crowd dispersed a while later, Rhea watched him walking towards her. It was the waiter at the coffee shop, who she was afraid would violate her sandwich.

‘My name is David. I work here, at the snack counter’, he said, pointing to the snack area that had a popcorn making machine. She stared at it like a child, entertained by the sight of kernels popping and flying in all directions before landing on the floor of the popcorn machine.

‘Hello?… Miss?’ he waved his hand, bringing his face in front of hers. He smiled confidently with a boyish charm and put his hands in his jeans pocket, once she fixed her eyes on him.

‘Sorry you had to see that’ he continued, determined to make conversation.

‘Hmm…’ she replied, munching on the popcorn.

‘So… Are you okay?’

‘Yeah’

‘Aren’t you gonna thank me?’

‘For making a scene? I think not’

He didn’t expect it. There was an awkward pause and then he asked, ‘So… you are with friends?’

‘Boyfriend’

‘Then why are you standing here, talking to me?’

‘His cat died and he had to leave. So do I’ she started to leave.

‘Wait…’

She stopped in her tracks and shoved more popcorn in her mouth. He caught up with her and crossed his arms across his chest, studying her closely.

‘You eat when you are tense eh?’

‘I eat everyday. Like normal people’

‘You eat dinner?’

‘Lunch, dinner, tea yeah..’

‘Wanna catch some dinner later’

‘Looking forward to it’

‘With me I meant’

‘No thanks..’. She looked wary and walked away as fast as she could.

‘At least tell me your name’ he called after her.

******

‘Rhea? Could you answer?’. The Economics professor crying out her name brought her back to the present.

‘Mmm-a’m what?’ Rhea jumped from her seat, startled at being singularly called out to explain something which only the teacher and some students who were listening know, partly because she hadn’t heard the question and partly because the chapter pertained to Differential Equations in Economics. The level of trying to pay attention to grasp the concept is directly proportional to the level of zoning out.

‘If you don’t want to listen, you are free to leave my class’ asserted the teacher.

Cold sweat broke out of every pore in Rhea’s body. She could even feels her palms perspiring.

‘Did you hear what I said?’ the teacher bellowed.

But you would mark me absent, and I would lose a half day’s attendance.

‘Your parents send you here to study and you come here for God knows what purpose. Honestly, in my opin-’ the teacher stopped as if something had reached out and grabbed her tongue from inside her throat. She swallowed audibly. Her expression had switched from being displeased to that of fear. Not the fear one exercises upon treading unknown territory, but to that after getting caught by the enemy anticipating torture. The students looked back and forth between Rhea and the teacher, wondering what frightened this Miss Muffet and why she stopped ranting.

The teacher extracted her gaze from Rhea and took a moment to get her purse and textbook. She left the classroom.

‘What did you do to her?’ asked Myra, the girl sitting next to Rhea. ‘Did you mouth the F word to her?’

‘No’ she replied, still standing.

‘Ugh! She’ll tell the HOD now, and the HOD will give the whole class a earful. Why are you still standing?’ Myra tugged at Rhea’s cardigan until she sat down.

‘I didn’t say anything’

‘May be she is just upset that she is still single… and horny’ quipped in Laya, who sat in the same bench as them. Laya was the one with the lewd jokes. Rhea found most of them to be tasteless and unnecessary. But she was glad to have the two as her friends, her only friends in her life. Myra was the daughter of an industrialist and Laya’s parents were both make up artists.

‘Well.. I might as well hang out in the cafeteria and miss the next hour. Laya, you coming with me?’ asked Myra.

‘And leave this poor thing alone to face the music?’ Laya replied dolefully, gently stroking Rhea’s hair. ‘Lets wait and watch what happens’ she said suddenly cheerful and opening her eyes wide excitedly. Everybody loved a good show, as long as it happened to someone else.

‘I saw a lizard eat a fly today. It just swallowed it. Do you think it’ll get sick?’ Laya asked them.

‘I think it’ll be dead by the time it gets to the lizard’s stomach’ Myra replied.

‘I’m talking about the lizard. Since flies carry alot of germs’

‘My cousin swallowed a fly. She’s 24 now. God in His wisdom, made the fly

and then forgot to tell us why’ said Myra

‘You made that up? Its nice’ said Laya

‘Nope. A poet named Ogden Nash did. But isn’t it true?’ asked Myra, looking at Rhea for affirmation.

‘I don’t know. I think everything in life has a purpose. Including the eaten fly.’ said Rhea.

The HOD arrived and took the class as if nothing had happened. The entire class was expecting some kind of a heated question- answer session between the HOD and Rhea, for it is rare that a teacher storms out of the class due to gross indiscipline by a girl student, and a student so demure and timid like Rhea who never negated anything, or even spoke her opinion, much less sounded her voice. It was supposed to be an hour for entertainment and a break from the drudgery of having to listen lectures and take notes of the same but seemingly different topics of Commerce and Economics. It was supposed to be an hour more interesting than the latest episode of the most popular unscripted reality tv series. But the hopes of those who had hoped, had been squashed like a slow flying mosquito, who just had it’s fill.

*******

Rhea took a warm shower as she got back into Merry Ladies Hostel and PG. It mainly catered to working women, but there were a few students like her living there too. Rhea shared the room with a girl who worked as a Sales rep of a multinational pharmaceutical company. She was hardly in the room. Even on Sundays, she would sleep till late and then spend the day with her boyfriend, only returning late at night, when the hostel slept. Rhea wrapped a towel around herself and stepped out of the bathroom. She was taken by shock when she saw a figure hunched over a magazine. Even more when the figure’s face was covered with orange muck.

‘Relax.. It’s only me’ said Anya, her roommate.

‘But I had locked the room’

‘I have a spare key remember?’

Rhea hurriedly opened her closet and threw on the first dress she saw in there.

‘Come on… We are girls.. Why are you so shy? Do you have something that I don’t?’

Yeah. Decency. ‘Your face pack has dried’

‘I know. I was waiting for you to come out.’ Anya started playing a song on her iphone and turned up the volume, loud enough for the occupants in the next room to hear, but since the rooms were soundproof, it was only hard on Rhea’s ears. Anya lipsynced to the lyrics of the song. She entered the bathroom and like usual, left the door of the bathroom open and only shut the frosted pivoting door of the rectangular shower behind her. She undressed herself and opened the showerhead letting the water fall on her with full force. Ten minutes later she stepped out with a towel wrapped around her head and body.

‘How do I look?’ Anya asked Rhea.

Just like before. ‘You face is glowing. New face pack?’

‘Yeah.. Papaya peels. Its organic. You can try it if you want’, Anya said as she sifted through her underwear drawer and pulled out a push up bra and non matching panties.

Didn’t papaya work? You had to go for their peels? ‘Thanks’

‘I have presentation tonight at MG Road, in a hotel. The Vice President of our firm will be there.’ Anya muttered as she carefully maneuvered her legs through the tiny lacy panty and pulled it up under her towel.

I didn’t ask. ‘Hmmm’

Anya dropped the towel with her bare back facing Rhea, who buried her head in the same magazine that was being read before. She put her arms in the armholes and clasped the bra in the last hook. She shut the door of the closet and admired herself in the mirror at the front. She scanned her figure adjusted the bra straps over her shoulders and as a finishing touch, bent down and did a little jiggle in front of the mirror to position her breasts so that they fill the cups. At first when Rhea saw this almost daily affair, she would go out of the room, giving her roommate’s rack the privacy to squirm and slide as much as they needed. Anya would always tell her she could stay. But after a month, Rhea realised that her roommate didn’t care much for her presence or absence.

Anya wore a black cap sleeved fitted blouse and a beige pencil skirt that complemented the blouse. Upon opening the footwear locker, she feasted on the sight of her prized possessions- she had eighteen pairs of footwear in the hostel itself. She selected a pair of black leather open toe pumps which made her three inches taller.

‘Have you seen my vanity case?’ she asked Rhea after a while of looking for it in her suitcase.

‘Its in the bathroom. You left it there last night’

‘Thanks doll’

A good five minutes later, she sped off like a kitten in heels wearing subtle, but noticeable make up.

Once her roommate left, Rhea felt a pang of emptiness inside her. She had accepted loneliness as a part of her life since childhood. But the desolation that has been haunting her for the past couple of years was becoming increasingly familiar too. She popped a sleeping pill and turned the lights off. She gathered her knees and hugged them close to her chest. It would take a few moments for the pill to work. She didn’t fight the tears that had welled up inside her eyes. They slided smoothly onto the pillow upon which she rested her head. Ten minutes later, her eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Two

Oligopolies and Price Setting… Oligopolies… Prices… Would this help? Rhea thought to herself as she she took a copy of Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith.

Explain oligopolies in your own words using game theory was the assignment. My own words? Bah! Gonna have to probably reuse words of Adam Smith, David Ricardo and Alfred Marshall… and make them my own…

Adam Smith, Wealth of Nations. She opened and started taking notes. The electricity was out, hence the copy machine couldn’t be used. It was hot, and she felt grateful for cotton. She looked around the hall. It was quite unoccupied, except for a couple who were craftily trying to romance each other. The girl wore make up, and the boy was dressed in his best. The girl pretended to read and take notes, seeming uninterested in the boy, while the boy was trying to flirt and make the girl laugh.

Rhea picked all her hair up and tied it into a high bun.

Lets see how long her make up will last in this heat.

Just then, the legs of the chair next to her creaked as it was pulled back slowly, as if the visitor tried to announce his visit. It was David. He sat on the pulled chair and stretched his legs. Breathing deeply, he leaned back and folded his arms behind his head.

She stopped writing and looked at him.

‘You are disturbing me’ she warned him.

‘I am only sitting here. Unless you are.. turned on?’

‘What?’ she asked annoyed.

‘Whaaat? Its a Saturday afternoon. Am I not allowed to spend it at a library?’

‘You don’t belong to this college. Who let you in?’

‘The power is out. Machine let me through’ he said in a manner that showed no sign of pride.

She rolled her eyes and continued to take notes.

‘So.. you want to get some coffee after this?’ he asked hopefully.

‘David..?’

‘Hmmm?’

‘How many times do I have to tell you, no?’

‘As many as you want. All I’m asking for is a coffee’

The girl with make up at the other table let out a high pitched cackle and immediately covered her mouth sheepishly. Both Rhea and David took a moment to process what just happened over there.

The cackle was in retaliation to something the boy in front of her said. The boy was proud of himself. He had finally been able to make the girl exude non fake laughter.

*******

Present Day

She was roused by a recurring, familiar noise. She opened her eyes slowly to an empty fireplace. A bout of terror filled her mind as she looked around the room. Her body was in pain, as if it had been wrung and been squeezed through a hole half her size. Rhea felt giddy. She was lying on a thin mattress in a living room with a wooden floor. There was a large, off white single sofa, with its back turned to her and a larger TV in front of it. The sound that woke her up was still playing on the TV. It was the video game Mario. Twilight entered the room through a double hung window. Her knees creaked as she stood up.

How many days was I here? She thought to herself. She looked down at her body and saw that there were scars on her wrists and ankles. Where am I? Was I raped? She felt disgusted at the things that propped up in her mind along with the thought of rape. Just then the music stopped and the sound of beating plastic came up. There was someone in the room with her. Her heart pounded as if it were trying to bust out of her chest cavity. She saw a reflection of a person on the TV, sitting on the couch. Her body went rigid. So did her breath. Mustering every nerve in her body she crept to the sofa, one step at a time. The reflection in physical form, stood up slowly. By the silhouette, she could make out it was a man. He turned around slowly with his hands to his chest. He was holding something in his hand.

Was it a knife? A rope?

As soon as their eyes met, the man looked surprised. It was David.

‘When did you wake up?’ he asked, surprised. He had in his hands the controls to the video game.

‘David? Where am I?’

‘Relax girl.. You are somewhere safe’

‘Safe from?’ she asked exasperated by his calm response.

‘Just safe.’

‘Why am I here? What did you do to me?’

‘Nothing… Calm down’

‘What is goin’ on? Why are there scars on my hands and legs?’

‘I need you….. to shut the fuck up’ he yelled now, for the first time in three months since she has known him.

‘I need to leave’ she said and went for the door.

David sprang forward and grabbed her arm.

‘Baby… you are not leaving. We will stay here for a few more hours, until-’

‘David, let go.’ He grappled with her, holding her by her neck, and brought her to the ground. He climbed on top of her and forced himself forward, pinning down both her arms. She struggled under his weight, trying to get out of his grip.

‘You in heat for a release eh?’ he hissed in her ear.

Rhea’s eyes widened in shock at the sudden change in tone. The charming, cute boy with chocolate looks, spoke and acted like an uncouth.

‘Till now, I haven't touched you. But if you are gonna be difficult-’ He pressed his face on her cheek, smelling her hair loudly. ‘-then I’ll make you pay, slut’

He engulfed her palms in his hands and pressed them with brute force. He continued this until she shrieked in pain.

‘Da- David… please you are hurting me’ she sobbed.

He exhaled deeply and smiled a wicked smile- like a little boy who had found joy in plucking wings and legs from a fly he had managed to trap for his amusement. He stood up, and straightened his hoodie. Very calmly, he took her by her arm to the kitchen. Once there, he lifted her and placed her on the granite tile, next to the window. She was still crying silently amidst all this. He then handcuffed her hands above her head to a grille in the window.

‘Is this a kidnap?’ she asked between sobs.

David opened the drawer in the table and took out batteries.

‘Come on David… You have to give me that much. Have you talked to my Dad?’ David went on to replace the batteries in his video game control set expressionless.

‘David?’ Rhea yelled at him.

David walked fast towards her and unlocked the cuffs. He tossed her over his shoulders and walked with large steps. Terrified of what he was planning to do with her, she kicked and fought to be let go, screaming all the way. But to no avail. They entered a bathroom. He threw her into the bathtub and ran the water, with full force- shower and tap both. She tried to get out of the tub, but he just pushed her back inside the tub, which was filling up fast with cold water. It was a scene like a spider trying to get out of a toilet bowl, in spite of being flushed down repeatedly.

‘My father has money.. Lots of it.. He can pay you..’ she screamed between sobs.

‘That bastard has money… He can pay me.. Except..’ he came closer and breathed in her face, ‘He won’t..’

This wasn’t a shock to her. Past memories of abuse she had suffered at the hands of her father surfaced in a split second. Without a thought, he plunged her under the water. He held on firmly, drowning her despite of all the thrashing she did. After what seemed like eternity to Rhea, he pulled her up by the collar of her shirt. She took in a huge amount of air and coughed and spat water. Her body shivered.

‘I’ll pay.. David.. I have m-mmoney.. Immy bank.. I’ll get them.. Everything in my name. I have over a c-crore worth of sh-sshares… Lemmmme g-go.. Please David’. She stammered on each word, even though they came faster than she could think. The fact that she was freezing didn’t help either.

‘It’s not enough’ he smiled and dunked her head into the water again.

He pulled her up just before she could pass out.

‘David.. Please.. stop.. What do you want?’ she asked once she got her breath back. He calmly seated himself on the rim of the bathtub and eyed her lustfully. He bent forward and cupped her face with both his hands.

‘The name’s John baby’, he said brushing her lips with his thumb. His hand moved to her neck, feeling the curve and rested on her shoulder and without warning slammed her by her shoulders into the water for the third time.

She had wished an end to her miserable life since a young age. He was making it happen. Stop splashing, don’t fight it… Die.. Please.. she said to herself as her eyes slowly closed.