You Don’t Beat Godzilla By Saying How Sunny Tokyo Is

Happy Politician Misreads a Ticked-Off Electorate

Does John Kasich think his presence in 2016's GOP Final Four proves Angry America yearns for an optimistic 30-year politician? Nevermind that an outsider businessman shocked everyone by taking first in an aggressive manner that includes name-calling, schoolyard taunts, and references to his genitalia. None of this nasty mud-slinging for John Kasich!

John Kasich’s Glasses Don’t Help Him Read an Angry Electorate

I am not going to get down in the mud. I believe you win elections with accomplishments and vision. That’s how I do it. Now, if I’m wrong, I’ll admit that I’m wrong. But you wait and see what happens in Ohio.”

Voters are Ka-sich and Tired of Business as Usual

Yes, Mr. Kasich. You win elections with vision, which is what Mitt Romney had in 2012, but lost to a guy who ran on Big Bird, Birth Control, and Binders.

Kasich has his thumb on the pulse of America. Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio also presented the electorate with accomplishments and a positive vision. Today, they’re respectively out of the race, and hoping for the biggest miracle in Florida since Juan Ponce de León discovered the Fountain of Youth.

(In 2019, The Villages residents can expect to see Mr Bush on TV explaining the virtuous wonders of reverse mortgages; he’s such a nice young man).

Selling Sunglasses When America Wants Torches and Pitchforks

Truth is, John Kasich isn’t still in this thing because America is clamoring for a sunny happy man selling cheerfulness who has some sort of twisted Tourette Syndrome — “OHIO!” No, John Kasich is still around because his foes haven’t bothered to take him out. The fact that the governor misreads the grumpy and gloomy grassroots as some sort of rainbowy mandate disqualifies him outright. In fact, voters have narrowed an incredibly qualified field to:

  • A crude vulgarian who taps into anger with rallies where violence is unsurprising
  • A disliked senator who wants to blow up Washington DC
  • A sunny senator who presents an optimistic vision for America hoping to win one state, his own, on March 15.

Kicked to the curb are highly qualified governors with accomplishments who’ve taken on and beat the unions (Walker), led Louisiana (Jindal), created jobs (Perry), and did well in the Sunshine State (Jeb!).

A parade of qualified executives have been booted off the island, so clearly the voting class is clamoring for a governor. Yes, Governor Kasich, given who’s been shown the exit and who’s still around, you’re obviously what the electorate wants.

“The peasants are revolting! Let’s give them business as usual!”

The Optimistic Best Friend in a Horror Flick Isn’t The One that Survives to the Credits

John Kasich is a good man, but at this point, he is this cycle’s Mitt Romney. You’ll recall in 2012, Mr. Romney maintained second place for most of 2011 as different contenders were given an audition in the top spot for a few weeks.

Each one got media scrutiny, wilted in the spotlight, and then exited the race. Rather than increase in the standings, Romney stayed in second, as Bachmann and Perry and Cain and Gingrich were all given their moment in the limelight. When all that remained was Mitt and Santorum, America shrugged its shoulders and figured maybe this Romney guy wasn’t so bad after all. He was still standing in March. Then he got savaged by the MSM.

This is Kasich today: he’s not still around because America craves him, it just hasn’t seen him survive scrutiny yet at the stale end of the salad bar.

Kasich is still around not because America yearns for his accomplishments — “OHIO!” — but because he’s been invisible. And unlike Jeb(!), he remains unscathed because he hasn’t criticized the frontrunner, and therefore hasn’t been the target of any of Trump’s assaults. Trump hasn’t set his sights on Kasich because, when you’re atomic-breath Godzilla stomping through Tokyo, you scorch the man who’s firing at you, not the little girl running into a basement.

Actual Photo of Donald Trump Discussing an Opponent

John Kasich may win his home state on Tuesday. Depending on what happens in Florida, Kasich may even be one of the last three men standing. If the Florida senator exits the race because he doesn’t win his state, it’s foreseeable much of the “Establishment” will scamper to Kasich. This would result in boosting John K’s sickly 12% RCP average with at least some of Rubio’s 18%. While this potential consolidation won’t have Kasich overtaking Trump’s 36%, it may push him past Cruz’s 21%.

If this ascension in the polls were to happen — if Trump were to see Kasich as a real threat to his goal of POTUS power — Godzilla will, for the first time, turn his sights to the remaining governor, and the fire-breathing monster will torch him into a crispy char-covered marshmallow.

Let’s see how well Gov. Wonderful does after withstanding weeks of withering atomic wind in the words of Mr. Trump.

Whether the governor survives to convention or not, you just know the post-mortem is going to be that Kasich didn’t win because he just wasn’t sunny enough for an electorate that wants a tornado.

ps: before you get too glum, a reminder how your guy is winning.

Update: And so it begins. I’m an oracle.

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