Feeling Pressured
As I embark on this new journey at BCIT as a student in the Radio Arts & Entertainment program, I always look back at my time at SFU.
Expectations
Growing up as an only child, there was a lot of expectation in my family. My grandmother was the one who raised me and shaped me to be the woman that I am today. However, her standards were quite high because all but one of her kids attended post-secondary. My eldest aunt has a degree and Masters from UBC, and currently lives in Ottawa and is an economist involved with the government. That is quite a bar to reach for someone like me, who honestly did not have much interest in pursuing such a high degree of school. My grandmother often compared me to my aunt, expecting me to be successful in a traditional and good job, such as a government job.

This kind of pressure me resulted in a tunnel vision. I had to think about what my grandmother would be proud of, and not for myself. So, all I could think about is, which university can I attend to that is not far out of reach for a student like me, but also can make her happy. When I neared the end of high-school, I was forced to make a decision. I applied for KPU and SFU, but SFU was my goal. For some reason, I had a fascination with SFU because I looked up to one of my cousins who graduated from SFU. Luckily I got accepted in both. But, my heart felt like it was somewhere else.
Miserable Michelle
I enrolled at SFU in as an Arts student to study in the Criminology program. I can’t deny that I love crime, and even was confident that with my personality I could pursue a job in crime or police enforcement. I even tried to apply for a student job at Canada Border Services Agency (CBSA) in my first year. Unfortunately I did not get the job, but I knew that I couldn’t give up because I had another chance to apply next year. In hindsight, this was foolish of me. I stuck to the one thing that I felt was a sense of direction, without trying to research what else is out there. At the same time, I was not happy with the schoolwork. I do not learn best from sitting in 3 hour lectures, reading articles, writing papers and doing exams every other week. I soon became very unsure of what I really wanted in life.
I was able to finally wake up from this reality I created for myself, and had to really open up my options. All I ever knew was that I wanted to be in Criminology and hopefully find something out of it. I sat down with a friend, and somehow BCIT came up. I always knew BCIT was a fantastic school because of the hands-on skills that you learn and the intensive programs that they offer. I ended up doing my research, and stumbled upon the Radio program. I stared at that page regarding all the information of what the program has to offer for probably 3 days straight. I struggled every day to grasp this urge that it was time to commit myself to something that I truly wanted for once. I feared nothing else except for the conversation that I would inevitably have to have with my grandmother about this change in my life.
Turning Point
A week later, I reached out to Brian Wiebe about admissions and something from that email just motivated me to just apply. Not caring what the result would be, I knew I just had to do it. As a person who is in their head a lot, this was the one time I got out of my head and finally just did the damn thing. I applied and within a few weeks, I was accepted. I felt shocked but more excited that I was finally going to get out of a place that made me feel miserable. A month later, I decided to attend the information session. While I was very nervous for this, I knew that going would give me more of an insight of what to expect, and to really make sure this was going to be a right fit. After the information session, I left with my held up high with hopes and dreams that I haven’t felt in a long time. With the endless opportunities that the program offered, I knew that it was at least going to take me to an area that I was actually passionate about. Media and sports.
Facing My Fears
You may be wondering how the conversation went with my grandmother went. Well to be honest, I paid for all the application and commitment fees out of my own pocket and even lied about where I was going when I went to the information session. The thought of telling her made me so anxious that I just decided to not tell her. It wasn’t only until the middle of summer that I really had to force myself to have the conversation. I sat down, with my legs shaking and voice cracking, and told her my decision. Her reaction wasn’t the worst, but it also wasn’t the best. My grandmother hasn’t always been a person to say the right thing at the right time. And this time was no different. But at the end of the day, she just wants me to do something that I can stick to. She was probably disappointed, but the fact that I came to her with a plan was what made the wound hurt a little less.
Always Staying Hopeful
Here I am, over halfway done my first term at BCIT and feeling more proud of myself than I ever have. I conquered my biggest fears. My grandmother and taking a risk to do something for myself. At times I still have doubts about my future. But if I just stick to my heart and am more proud than I am miserable, I am a happy girl. I am excited for where this program can take me. I just want to be passionate about what I’m doing so that I actually care about what I put my effort into. Even though my path has changed, my goal will always still stay the same. To be happy and support the ones I love — especially my grandmother. She may never understand what I aspire to do, but she will always love me wholeheartedly and continue to raise me into the strong person that I am.
