I’m so Confused! Is There Anyone Here?

It’s been half of the month since I last wrote something on Medium, which was about how I felt so hard to write naturally like I used to do.

I started writing instinctively when I was in high school, at that time everything was unintentional, I wrote down what I saw, what I liked and what I felt about the world around me. I didn’t have to choose the words I would use carefully, it was always there, in my mind, and the only thing I did was putting all my feelings and ideas onto paper. Writing was my hobby, I wrote whenever I had free time.

One day my teacher read my short story about my dream, she told me that my story was great and the words I used were so lively and refreshing that she thought she had been living in a kid’s dream when reading it. Since then I have written hundreds pieces of prose, it was a part of my life, I loved how I could express my thoughts using my manifold words, I loved how I enjoyed listening the hum whispering in my head the words I would write, I loved how I could touch my teacher, and then my friends using my own story about my own life. I knew I had the ability to write.

One year ago, I asked myself, what if I started to write more deliberately, since I used to write adventitiously, sometimes it was hard for my friends to understand or empathize with my story. I started to define the topic, create the outline, ponder on the content and explicit words to illustrate my ideas. I posted some notes on my Facebook page, there was a lot of positive feedback, which was very encouraging.

About one month ago, I decided to create a Medium account, I really enjoy the idea of bridging the gap between readers and writers all over the world. I read the articles on Medium everytime I can. For me, the better me I want to become is the one who can inspire other people and somehow inadvertently speak for their feelings. And there are a lot of great writers on Medium who can do it everyday. I am just a small fish in a big pond, but I am not reluctant to write in a foreign language and listen to feedback, I know I have to improve a lot to be a good writer.

The first time I wrote on Medium, my friend told me that it was too common and he couldn’t realize my style anymore. The second time, it was getting better, he enjoyed my ideas. However, the third time he read my articles on Medium he didn’t understand the meaning I want to express. Although the third post was about how confused I felt when writing those days, it was too complex and disorderly. And it never rains but it pours, I can’t express my thoughts in a clearer and more compelling manner. The stories in my mind just don’t seem to translate into my writing. I can’t get those ideas onto paper and communicate them effectively to my friends and readers on Medium. There was no feedback from other users, I couldn’t know where to start and what to improve.

I have to think a lot when I decide to write something, I have to identify my target audience, my nuances of language, my readers’ perception, everything I think that would make my article better. Writing is not fun anymore.

I have read some advice about how to improve my writing, yet it had a lot of things I have already tried. One year since the day I started to write deliberately, although it was good for my writing skills, it couldn’t help me write something that really impressed me and inspired others.

Am I subject to my mood too much? Is it impossible for me to set up a writing schedule and daily goals?

If you read this line I want you to know that I really appreciate the time you spent on my story. Please give me some advice about my situation or some narratives of yours. Thank you.